WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.400 Interesting thing that happened to us recently. 00:00:02.400 --> 00:00:05.760 If there's something in your teeth, you should probably floss. Like the prep and everything? 00:00:05.760 --> 00:00:11.640 I mean, we didn't really prep. I don't think. We were very fertile, so we got... 00:00:11.640 --> 00:00:13.860 I was not talking about that part. 00:00:13.860 --> 00:00:15.360 Wait, what are you talking about? 00:00:15.360 --> 00:00:21.360 All right, hello and welcome to the Frankly Speaking podcast. This is podcast episode number six. 00:00:21.360 --> 00:00:24.360 Today, I am joined again by my lovely wife, Annie. 00:00:24.360 --> 00:00:25.360 Hi. 00:00:25.360 --> 00:00:28.940 And we will be talking about our journey through parenthood. 00:00:28.940 --> 00:00:38.180 Basically, what led up to it. I guess what happened the day of and kind of what we've been up to with two kids. 00:00:38.180 --> 00:00:43.600 Yeah, so Annie got pregnant. She went through all the normal like three trimester symptoms. 00:00:43.600 --> 00:00:47.600 Went through like the mood swings, the like cravings, the throwing up. 00:00:47.600 --> 00:00:57.880 Yeah, I had really bad acne throughout this pregnancy. The first pregnancy, it was so bad because I've had acne issues before and then I went on Accutane 00:00:57.880 --> 00:01:03.120 and then I haven't had acne until this pregnancy. I was just freaking out because I thought my acne was coming back. 00:01:03.120 --> 00:01:11.720 Like, oh, also at your one first trimester checkup, they draw like 12 tubes of blood and no one tells you that. 00:01:11.780 --> 00:01:21.880 Like, I think that's the one thing that surprised me a lot is like nobody prepares you for everything that you're expected to know during pregnancy and you're just finding out as you go. 00:01:22.360 --> 00:01:31.980 Yeah, especially like, I don't even like when they draw one vial of blood for like my yearly checkup. 00:01:33.100 --> 00:01:41.900 Yeah, I hate needles and like I hate getting my blood taken and it's like, it's kind of unclear why they need so much. 00:01:42.020 --> 00:01:44.760 I feel like a lot of the tests they run in the States is kind of extraneous. 00:01:45.200 --> 00:01:49.800 Yes, I think that's true because I did not get that many tests in Canada, like maybe half. 00:01:50.260 --> 00:01:56.720 I feel like, I mean, they charge you for every single test that they run and then they're like, oh, this is necessary, that is necessary. 00:01:57.160 --> 00:01:59.800 I don't have to do a lot of that in Canada during my second pregnancy. 00:02:00.140 --> 00:02:05.660 Yeah, the whole, so when Annie was pregnant the second time in Canada, the entire process was way more chill. 00:02:06.300 --> 00:02:10.200 Like, hospital was more chill, the nurses and doctors seemed less stressed. 00:02:11.120 --> 00:02:11.160 Yeah. 00:02:11.480 --> 00:02:17.040 They, it seemed like there were less, we also had less complications like during the actual birthing process. 00:02:17.180 --> 00:02:17.520 Right. 00:02:17.800 --> 00:02:24.840 Yeah, in Canada, I don't know why maybe people up here or our specific doctors and hospitals that we got, 00:02:25.120 --> 00:02:29.180 um, just a much more enjoyable process, way less people too. 00:02:29.300 --> 00:02:31.440 I'm not sure if it's COVID also impacted that. 00:02:31.680 --> 00:02:35.580 So like people weren't, um, allowed to just wait around in the waiting rooms. 00:02:35.580 --> 00:02:41.880 Like they really made sure they like staggered the appointments so that they don't have like a bunch of people. 00:02:42.740 --> 00:02:49.920 So the actual like pregnancy, um, I don't think there were really too many complications really. 00:02:49.920 --> 00:02:54.680 Like we can kind of skip ahead to when Annie actually needed to go to the hospital. 00:02:54.680 --> 00:02:55.120 Yeah. 00:02:55.120 --> 00:03:03.920 So like the weeks leading up to the birth, uh, it felt like I was on call, but for like potential having to drive Annie to the hospital. 00:03:03.920 --> 00:03:09.900 Cause it was like, all right, um, I'm basically just waiting to go on paternity leave at this point. 00:03:09.900 --> 00:03:12.040 I'm waiting to like take Annie to the hospital. 00:03:12.040 --> 00:03:13.760 We had like the entire trip plan. 00:03:13.860 --> 00:03:21.260 We had like, I don't know, it felt like we were ready, but it still was like a certain nervousness just because it was our first kid. 00:03:21.360 --> 00:03:22.040 Like who knows what could happen. 00:03:22.040 --> 00:03:24.420 You also don't know when to even expect the baby. 00:03:24.560 --> 00:03:33.180 Like I feel like I was ready to have the baby at like 38 weeks and then the baby didn't come until 41 weeks and you're around 40 weeks. 00:03:33.260 --> 00:03:35.240 You're just like, okay, is the baby coming? 00:03:35.380 --> 00:03:36.540 Like, is something wrong with me? 00:03:36.580 --> 00:03:38.440 Like, why isn't there any movement? 00:03:38.560 --> 00:03:39.860 Like, I don't feel anything. 00:03:40.380 --> 00:03:40.820 Yeah. 00:03:40.920 --> 00:03:50.940 And like, what was hilarious is that we actually went to the hospital the first time and they sent us back because they're like, they're like, yeah, you're not actually dilated enough. 00:03:50.940 --> 00:03:52.640 Like you have to go back home. 00:03:52.640 --> 00:03:52.980 Okay. 00:03:53.080 --> 00:04:03.960 So I think that I have like very high pain tolerance because every time I go to a dentist, like I sometimes can have them like, you know, drill holes in my teeth without even any freezing. 00:04:04.720 --> 00:04:09.020 But freezing for all the Americans out there basically means getting your mouth numbed. 00:04:09.160 --> 00:04:09.520 Oh, okay. 00:04:09.560 --> 00:04:09.760 Yes. 00:04:10.380 --> 00:04:15.580 Um, and so, uh, so I was telling Frank the whole time, like, I'm not going to get an epidural. 00:04:15.860 --> 00:04:21.580 Like, I'm not, I'm just going to have this baby, like the old fashioned way, like no help whatsoever. 00:04:21.940 --> 00:04:26.700 And then as soon as like the cramps started coming on, I was just like, I can't handle this. 00:04:26.740 --> 00:04:28.480 Like definitely getting an epidural. 00:04:28.920 --> 00:04:33.220 So like the first time we went to the hospital and he's like, oh my God, this is so much pain. 00:04:33.220 --> 00:04:34.200 Like the baby's coming. 00:04:34.480 --> 00:04:40.300 We go to the hospital and basically we're there for like eight hours and the nurses are like, yeah, you're not having this baby. 00:04:40.300 --> 00:04:41.100 You need to go back home. 00:04:41.180 --> 00:04:42.200 Like you're not even close. 00:04:42.720 --> 00:04:43.640 And he's like, oh my God. 00:04:43.920 --> 00:04:48.300 I was like dilated like one centimeter or something and you need it to be 10 centimeters. 00:04:48.700 --> 00:04:48.980 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:04:48.980 --> 00:04:55.100 And they had Annie like walking around the hospital and stuff and basically to see if like she would dilate any more. 00:04:55.500 --> 00:04:55.900 And basically. 00:04:56.260 --> 00:04:56.720 I did not. 00:04:56.820 --> 00:04:58.060 It did not move at all. 00:04:58.620 --> 00:05:04.220 Yeah, so we go back home and basically it's like a false alarm later on. 00:05:05.480 --> 00:05:08.980 So like you have you hear the stories like, oh, your water breaks and that's when you know it's ready. 00:05:09.100 --> 00:05:11.000 Like Annie's water actually never broke. 00:05:11.160 --> 00:05:12.600 Yeah, it's actually a myth. 00:05:12.740 --> 00:05:13.440 Not a myth. 00:05:13.560 --> 00:05:21.020 Like but a very small percentage of the people have their water break actually like 10% or something really ridiculous. 00:05:21.720 --> 00:05:23.600 Like it's not liking the movies. 00:05:24.240 --> 00:05:32.280 Yeah, so like the next time we went basically the nurses and doctors are like do not come back until the pain is like an 11 out of 10. 00:05:32.380 --> 00:05:34.040 Like it's absolutely unbearable. 00:05:34.540 --> 00:05:44.500 And like basically every night Annie would get these terrible cramps because our kid is essentially he's like kind of upside down and he's like kicking the back of her spine. 00:05:44.920 --> 00:05:45.060 Yeah. 00:05:45.120 --> 00:05:51.820 And so I have to like push against her back and like every couple hours she'll wake me up be like, oh my God, I'm in so much pain. 00:05:51.960 --> 00:05:52.240 Get up. 00:05:52.480 --> 00:05:57.260 No, not even every couple hours, like every 10 minutes once I started like having the contractions. 00:05:57.260 --> 00:05:57.820 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:05:57.880 --> 00:06:00.140 And it was like so neither of us were getting good sleep. 00:06:00.480 --> 00:06:04.000 And then luckily for me, Annie's parents, I think the last. 00:06:04.200 --> 00:06:05.360 My mom was already here. 00:06:05.380 --> 00:06:05.840 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:06:05.860 --> 00:06:07.000 Like in anticipation. 00:06:07.380 --> 00:06:08.680 Okay, I got to tell the story. 00:06:09.840 --> 00:06:12.980 Basically at this point, Frank is already very exhausted. 00:06:13.380 --> 00:06:16.460 But then he was like, yeah, babe, just I'm going to go to sleep now. 00:06:16.600 --> 00:06:19.140 But whenever you feel pain, just wake me up. 00:06:19.220 --> 00:06:20.260 I was like, okay. 00:06:20.260 --> 00:06:25.560 And if you're really tired, like I'll just go to my mom and she can like take over for half of the night. 00:06:25.560 --> 00:06:26.520 He was like, okay. 00:06:26.840 --> 00:06:33.940 And then, and then I like, whenever the next time I felt pain, I was like, hey, Frank, do you want to press on my back again? 00:06:34.020 --> 00:06:36.600 And he's like, just go to your mom. 00:06:37.980 --> 00:06:41.160 I mean, it's slight detail changes, but that's roughly what happened. 00:06:42.620 --> 00:06:49.760 And so the second time they actually let us stay in the hospital, the first time I think they still charge us like $500 or something. 00:06:50.000 --> 00:06:50.140 Yeah. 00:06:50.220 --> 00:06:52.220 Like they charge you, it's ridiculous. 00:06:52.420 --> 00:07:01.780 Like obviously we covered a lot of it through insurance, but it was still like, if we had no insurance, this baby was going to cost us like $50,000. 00:07:02.720 --> 00:07:03.120 Okay. 00:07:03.240 --> 00:07:03.400 Yeah. 00:07:03.400 --> 00:07:06.680 To give you an example of what it's like to have no insurance in China. 00:07:06.800 --> 00:07:13.140 So like when my mom went back for vacation one time and like right as she left, she twisted her ankle. 00:07:13.140 --> 00:07:17.480 And it was like a pretty bad sprain to the point where she eventually needed surgery for it. 00:07:17.880 --> 00:07:24.840 And so in China, they had her own private room with a bed and nurse and everything for two weeks. 00:07:25.080 --> 00:07:26.420 And guess how much it cost? 00:07:27.580 --> 00:07:29.880 $400 USD with no insurance. 00:07:30.140 --> 00:07:30.300 Yeah. 00:07:30.400 --> 00:07:30.520 That's great. 00:07:30.520 --> 00:07:34.580 And so like, if you think about how much that would cost here in like the States. 00:07:34.580 --> 00:07:37.140 You would like go into debt forever for the rest of your life. 00:07:37.320 --> 00:07:37.940 You would be, yeah. 00:07:37.980 --> 00:07:40.000 Without insurance, you'd be absolutely destroyed. 00:07:40.200 --> 00:07:40.400 Yeah. 00:07:40.520 --> 00:07:51.080 So it's kind of crazy to see that like most other countries are more sane in the sense that like they're not going to completely destroy your finances if you get sick and you need a hospital bed. 00:07:52.400 --> 00:07:56.380 Won't really go into that tangent about how the U.S. healthcare system is completely screwed up. 00:07:57.080 --> 00:08:02.980 Canada obviously has universal healthcare, has its own issues, but is obviously a much better system. 00:08:03.260 --> 00:08:03.360 Yeah. 00:08:03.960 --> 00:08:08.700 But I guess we can also highlight some of those differences as we kind of continue talking about our stay. 00:08:09.020 --> 00:08:09.220 Yeah. 00:08:09.580 --> 00:08:11.980 So we're now in the hospital. 00:08:12.820 --> 00:08:14.540 Luckily, we did get a private room. 00:08:16.280 --> 00:08:19.160 Annie's parents are here or is it just your mom or both? 00:08:19.160 --> 00:08:24.420 No, my dad kind of, my dad made it like on the night that we were, I was giving birth. 00:08:24.560 --> 00:08:24.900 Oh, okay. 00:08:24.900 --> 00:08:25.520 So he came later. 00:08:25.680 --> 00:08:25.840 Yeah. 00:08:25.880 --> 00:08:26.660 He came later. 00:08:27.200 --> 00:08:27.440 Yeah. 00:08:27.480 --> 00:08:33.040 And this room, like it was clearly not meant for multiple people to be in there with the wife. 00:08:33.040 --> 00:08:38.660 Like there's one seat that reclined kind of into a bed and the room was frigging freezing. 00:08:38.660 --> 00:08:41.340 Like, I don't know why they turned down the temperatures so low. 00:08:41.460 --> 00:08:48.960 Like we were all freezing in there and they gave us like these thin blankets and like, I think eventually, I don't even know how your parents slept. 00:08:49.240 --> 00:08:52.700 But like the food they gave us was basically non-existent. 00:08:52.780 --> 00:08:58.360 They had like this kind of lunch break room where you could pay for food, but it was all overpriced and like crappy hospital food. 00:08:58.440 --> 00:09:00.300 I feel like I was just immersing pain. 00:09:00.700 --> 00:09:04.520 Well, like Annie, they didn't let her eat because she got an epidural. 00:09:04.660 --> 00:09:06.320 So basically after that, she couldn't eat. 00:09:06.740 --> 00:09:08.480 And like after she got the epidural, she was fine. 00:09:08.660 --> 00:09:10.380 Like prior to it, she was in a ton of pain. 00:09:11.120 --> 00:09:11.380 Yeah. 00:09:11.400 --> 00:09:13.520 But after it, she was able to like sleep and be okay. 00:09:13.520 --> 00:09:13.980 Yeah, I was sleeping. 00:09:14.400 --> 00:09:14.500 Yeah. 00:09:14.500 --> 00:09:24.900 But like the rest of us, we were just like extremely uncomfortable because like even though we were allowed to be in the room with her, this was pre-COVID, pre all the craziness. 00:09:25.780 --> 00:09:27.320 It was such a small area. 00:09:27.560 --> 00:09:27.920 Small room. 00:09:28.000 --> 00:09:29.480 Maybe this big. 00:09:29.580 --> 00:09:32.200 And the three of you had to like fit in there. 00:09:32.700 --> 00:09:36.720 And the five guys we got was actually terrible because it was like kind of cold and soggy by the time we ate it. 00:09:36.740 --> 00:09:39.520 But it was still like better than any of the hospital food by far. 00:09:39.620 --> 00:09:39.860 Yeah. 00:09:40.260 --> 00:09:44.660 Which the hospital food actually got better after you gave birth, but that's kind of. 00:09:44.660 --> 00:09:44.900 Yeah. 00:09:44.900 --> 00:09:48.360 I mean, like they charge you for it and everything. 00:09:48.820 --> 00:09:49.360 So, yeah. 00:09:49.360 --> 00:09:54.840 But like the kind of one thing that stood out to me was how stressed the nurses were. 00:09:54.960 --> 00:09:57.260 Like clearly they were overworked and understaffed. 00:09:57.440 --> 00:09:57.580 Yeah. 00:09:57.580 --> 00:10:01.920 And they were like snapping at each other, blaming other departments for all the like the smallest things. 00:10:02.120 --> 00:10:02.400 Yeah. 00:10:02.540 --> 00:10:07.360 And like it made us stressed as well because like this is our first birth. 00:10:07.440 --> 00:10:08.440 We don't really know what to expect. 00:10:08.440 --> 00:10:08.560 Right. 00:10:08.560 --> 00:10:12.120 So at this point, I've already been into labor for 72 hours. 00:10:12.240 --> 00:10:15.100 I was even telling Frank like at this point, I just want a C-section. 00:10:15.260 --> 00:10:16.960 Like I don't want to go through this anymore. 00:10:17.040 --> 00:10:17.960 It was so painful. 00:10:18.120 --> 00:10:21.820 I just, I would rather they gave me some drugs and just cut me open. 00:10:21.820 --> 00:10:24.560 Like that was going to be easier than whatever labor was. 00:10:25.080 --> 00:10:30.140 And, but then, you know, I went through with it and then got the epidural and it finally 00:10:30.140 --> 00:10:31.000 felt a lot better. 00:10:31.140 --> 00:10:36.260 And then the nurses come and then they're supposed to like, you know, connect me up to an IV. 00:10:36.940 --> 00:10:43.160 And the nurse tried four times and she missed my veins and they, she legally could not perform 00:10:43.160 --> 00:10:44.040 on me anymore. 00:10:44.040 --> 00:10:46.320 So she had to leave and get another nurse. 00:10:46.460 --> 00:10:50.020 And I was just kind of like, Jesus, like who is treating me? 00:10:50.040 --> 00:10:51.940 Like they can't even put an IV in me properly. 00:10:51.940 --> 00:10:53.020 Like who is this nurse? 00:10:53.240 --> 00:10:54.900 And there are complications. 00:10:55.480 --> 00:11:01.000 So like our kid, every time Annie tries to push, his heartbeat will slow down because 00:11:01.000 --> 00:11:03.580 the umbilical cord is wrapped around his neck. 00:11:03.680 --> 00:11:05.460 And so we're in like a pretty dangerous spot. 00:11:05.520 --> 00:11:06.280 We're like, what the hell? 00:11:06.320 --> 00:11:06.960 Like, what do we do? 00:11:07.020 --> 00:11:07.200 Right. 00:11:07.540 --> 00:11:10.560 Because the kid, as he's going down and it's like, his heartbeat is dropping. 00:11:10.680 --> 00:11:11.500 They're like, oh, oh shit. 00:11:11.540 --> 00:11:12.620 Like, stop doing what you're doing. 00:11:13.180 --> 00:11:15.000 Let's, let's try to like figure out what to do. 00:11:16.000 --> 00:11:21.480 Eventually when actually, when Annie actually gave birth, the doctor was actually pretty 00:11:21.480 --> 00:11:22.820 skilled and what she did. 00:11:22.820 --> 00:11:23.500 Yeah, she was a good doctor. 00:11:23.560 --> 00:11:25.240 She like, but it was very violent. 00:11:25.380 --> 00:11:30.200 She like grabbed his head, like yanked him out so hard that he had like bruises on his 00:11:30.200 --> 00:11:31.540 head when he was born. 00:11:31.660 --> 00:11:34.900 And she like quickly unwrapped the umbilical cord from his neck. 00:11:35.040 --> 00:11:40.220 And then like, what they don't tell you is like, the baby had like all this poop and pee 00:11:40.220 --> 00:11:43.100 and just like, it looks like this little purple alien. 00:11:43.260 --> 00:11:44.140 It's like a little Thanos. 00:11:44.840 --> 00:11:47.440 And it was so gross. 00:11:48.020 --> 00:11:49.360 Yeah, like Frank's face. 00:11:50.300 --> 00:11:52.780 You were just standing next to me and he was like. 00:11:57.520 --> 00:12:02.300 But like, clearly she was super skilled and like, you know, unwrapped it from his neck. 00:12:02.620 --> 00:12:04.320 Got this like little suction cup suction. 00:12:04.440 --> 00:12:06.200 I was like poop and pee from his mouth. 00:12:06.400 --> 00:12:11.300 And then they're handing him to me and he just poops all over me. 00:12:11.300 --> 00:12:14.100 Like he's pooping as they were handing him to me. 00:12:14.680 --> 00:12:16.580 But luckily, you know, he was healthy. 00:12:16.740 --> 00:12:19.420 There were no other complications, really. 00:12:19.560 --> 00:12:21.320 He was crying, which is a good sign. 00:12:21.380 --> 00:12:27.720 If your baby's not crying, that's usually extremely worrying because that's, it's like, maybe that's a sign something's wrong. 00:12:28.420 --> 00:12:29.920 But our kid came out pretty healthy. 00:12:31.040 --> 00:12:34.620 We had like no idea how to really feed him at first. 00:12:34.820 --> 00:12:37.680 And so like, you're supposed to try to breastfeed him. 00:12:38.060 --> 00:12:41.480 And it's like, your milk doesn't come immediately. 00:12:41.480 --> 00:12:42.960 It like comes gradually. 00:12:43.100 --> 00:12:47.060 And so like, Annie's trying to breastfeed our kid for like hours and hours and hours. 00:12:47.120 --> 00:12:49.180 And she's like, okay, he must be full now, right? 00:12:49.240 --> 00:12:49.760 Because like. 00:12:50.120 --> 00:12:51.140 Yeah, not hours, hours. 00:12:51.260 --> 00:12:54.120 I'd be like, I have him on my breast for like five minutes. 00:12:54.120 --> 00:12:55.560 I'm like, ah, he's good. 00:12:55.660 --> 00:12:56.680 And then I would hand him back. 00:12:56.740 --> 00:12:57.820 But he just keeps on crying. 00:12:57.940 --> 00:12:58.800 I'm like, what's wrong with him? 00:12:58.840 --> 00:13:00.360 I literally just fed him. 00:13:00.440 --> 00:13:03.000 And basically it's because he's not getting any food at all. 00:13:03.340 --> 00:13:04.200 It's basically like starving. 00:13:04.360 --> 00:13:08.960 And he's like, babies lose a ton of their body weight in the first couple of days because the milk hasn't come in. 00:13:09.780 --> 00:13:14.420 And eventually they fed him a bottle just to like calm him down. 00:13:14.660 --> 00:13:16.880 And also so like he would get some sort of nutrition. 00:13:17.380 --> 00:13:18.680 We were also inexperienced. 00:13:18.780 --> 00:13:22.780 Like we didn't understand how the latching worked or anything. 00:13:23.220 --> 00:13:28.440 Well, like no one kind of tells you how long you're supposed to have the baby on the breast for. 00:13:28.560 --> 00:13:31.760 And like, I feel like my mom didn't tell me either. 00:13:32.080 --> 00:13:34.300 And the nurses were like kind of forceful. 00:13:34.300 --> 00:13:38.780 They were like, take our kid's head and like shove it against Annie's breast and be like, eat. 00:13:39.140 --> 00:13:39.460 Latch on. 00:13:39.780 --> 00:13:41.460 And I'm like, dude, chill. 00:13:41.620 --> 00:13:42.800 Like what is going on? 00:13:43.260 --> 00:13:50.520 There's a nursery that they can actually take your baby away for the night and basically help you take care of the baby while you guys get some sleep. 00:13:50.740 --> 00:13:53.700 So initially Frank and I definitely did not want to do that. 00:13:53.780 --> 00:13:57.940 But then by the third day we were like, okay, we really need to take advantage of this. 00:13:58.280 --> 00:13:59.560 So we sent him away. 00:13:59.560 --> 00:14:04.140 And then they were supposed to bring the baby back to you for a feed around like 2 a.m. 00:14:04.880 --> 00:14:07.860 And when they brought him back, he was just out. 00:14:08.340 --> 00:14:10.160 He like was not crying. 00:14:10.580 --> 00:14:14.660 And I was freaking out because like we were used to him just crying the whole time. 00:14:14.960 --> 00:14:15.320 Constantly. 00:14:15.460 --> 00:14:16.700 And we were thinking like, what happened? 00:14:16.760 --> 00:14:17.540 Did they drug our baby? 00:14:17.780 --> 00:14:17.920 Yeah. 00:14:18.260 --> 00:14:19.500 But no, they just fed him. 00:14:20.020 --> 00:14:20.160 No. 00:14:20.260 --> 00:14:21.860 Well, they said they didn't feed him. 00:14:22.020 --> 00:14:22.620 They said if. 00:14:22.740 --> 00:14:25.240 Yeah, but we, we think that they did feed him. 00:14:25.240 --> 00:14:26.020 Yeah, we think that they did. 00:14:26.020 --> 00:14:28.900 He was probably crying so much that they were like, we're just going to give him whatever. 00:14:29.060 --> 00:14:32.740 I mean, it's like, it makes sense that he was crying because it's like, oh, he was born. 00:14:32.860 --> 00:14:33.700 It's been like two days. 00:14:33.760 --> 00:14:34.700 He's gotten like zero food. 00:14:35.800 --> 00:14:40.980 And so it's, there was actually a baby next door to us that was crying even more hysterically. 00:14:40.980 --> 00:14:45.980 And like, even though our kid was crying pretty much all the time, their kid was like absolutely screaming. 00:14:46.880 --> 00:14:47.080 Right. 00:14:47.140 --> 00:14:49.940 And just like, sounded like they were, I don't know. 00:14:50.080 --> 00:14:50.300 Yeah. 00:14:50.580 --> 00:14:53.400 We thought we were pretty lucky already because he didn't. 00:14:53.520 --> 00:15:02.440 Oh, also for the first day, like the first night, the baby's usually really good because they're still used to like being in the womb and just sleeping most of the time. 00:15:02.580 --> 00:15:07.820 And on the second day is when they start to like realize that they're like in this new environment. 00:15:07.820 --> 00:15:09.660 And that's when they start to cry a lot more. 00:15:09.760 --> 00:15:11.420 So like the second day is probably the hardest. 00:15:11.420 --> 00:15:12.980 And they're also starving at that point. 00:15:13.140 --> 00:15:14.640 Starving, dehydrated. 00:15:15.020 --> 00:15:15.120 Yeah. 00:15:15.260 --> 00:15:21.360 And oh, so a lot of Asian babies have a problem with jaundice or potential problem. 00:15:21.360 --> 00:15:23.920 And it's basically like this yellowing of the skin. 00:15:24.220 --> 00:15:26.700 It has to do with their metabolism. 00:15:26.700 --> 00:15:31.900 And basically it's like, after you start feeding them, it goes away as their like natural system flushes it out. 00:15:32.720 --> 00:15:41.160 However, what ended up happening is when that happens and like when they tested him for it, he was kind of borderline again. 00:15:41.360 --> 00:15:42.460 He's like, they could have done it. 00:15:42.520 --> 00:15:43.040 They could have not. 00:15:43.320 --> 00:15:44.960 Obviously they recommend that you do do it. 00:15:45.260 --> 00:15:47.880 So they come out with this like blue light thing that's supposed to help. 00:15:48.520 --> 00:15:51.180 And it's like basically cooking your baby. 00:15:51.320 --> 00:15:53.060 It's like, it's so hot. 00:15:53.140 --> 00:15:54.400 It's putting him in like this little oven. 00:15:54.820 --> 00:15:57.140 And like, we didn't really understand how to like swaddle him correctly. 00:15:57.140 --> 00:16:04.420 So the nurse would come in and swaddle him, puts him in three layers and swaddle and puts this freaking oven blue light on him. 00:16:04.540 --> 00:16:05.960 And he's like literally burning up. 00:16:06.020 --> 00:16:06.700 He's like being cooked. 00:16:06.820 --> 00:16:06.900 Yeah. 00:16:06.980 --> 00:16:08.560 This nurse didn't know what she was doing. 00:16:08.680 --> 00:16:11.720 Like other nurses were only swaddling him in like one blanket. 00:16:11.940 --> 00:16:13.660 And then this nurse came with like three. 00:16:13.920 --> 00:16:14.140 Yeah. 00:16:14.760 --> 00:16:15.160 Yeah. 00:16:15.280 --> 00:16:19.480 Probably because she's like, oh, I do this for everyone else because like other babies probably didn't have that blue light thing. 00:16:20.140 --> 00:16:22.540 But like eventually we leave the hospital. 00:16:22.700 --> 00:16:23.400 Everything's fine. 00:16:23.480 --> 00:16:24.140 We're like tired. 00:16:24.580 --> 00:16:26.160 The food was surprisingly decent. 00:16:26.380 --> 00:16:26.520 Yeah. 00:16:26.520 --> 00:16:27.880 So we got like a meal allowance. 00:16:28.140 --> 00:16:29.740 Frank's like favorite part. 00:16:29.960 --> 00:16:35.640 The only like, yeah, the only really positive experience other than like the doctor being super skilled in the delivery. 00:16:36.160 --> 00:16:40.020 But the only other positive experience was like the food was okay. 00:16:40.320 --> 00:16:42.700 It was handled by this like third party contractor. 00:16:43.020 --> 00:16:45.800 And the nurses the entire time were just like talking down on them. 00:16:45.840 --> 00:16:46.740 Be like, oh, they suck. 00:16:46.820 --> 00:16:48.580 They like always get the orders wrong. 00:16:48.680 --> 00:16:49.320 They're not timely. 00:16:49.460 --> 00:16:49.900 Blah, blah, blah. 00:16:50.040 --> 00:16:51.700 And I was thinking like, this is fine. 00:16:51.940 --> 00:16:55.120 Like, I feel like one time we just didn't get our food for like hours. 00:16:55.500 --> 00:16:57.520 And then, yeah, there was one meal that they were late. 00:16:58.260 --> 00:17:00.700 And the nurses were just like, yeah, I got to have a talking with them. 00:17:00.820 --> 00:17:01.420 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 00:17:01.600 --> 00:17:01.800 Yeah. 00:17:02.160 --> 00:17:06.200 But, I mean, we finally got to go home. 00:17:06.620 --> 00:17:09.500 I don't remember how long your mom stayed with us. 00:17:09.720 --> 00:17:11.900 I think my mom stayed for three weeks. 00:17:12.060 --> 00:17:16.180 And then we had him for about, oh, no, no. 00:17:16.460 --> 00:17:17.860 My mom came for three weeks. 00:17:17.960 --> 00:17:20.480 And then your parents came to visit right away. 00:17:20.900 --> 00:17:24.440 And then your dad and brothers left after a week. 00:17:24.440 --> 00:17:26.660 And then your mom stayed with us for six weeks. 00:17:26.820 --> 00:17:30.460 And then we had the baby to ourselves for like two weeks. 00:17:30.480 --> 00:17:31.580 And then my mom came back. 00:17:31.940 --> 00:17:33.980 So, like, we had a ton of help. 00:17:34.060 --> 00:17:35.040 Yeah, we were super lucky. 00:17:35.120 --> 00:17:37.600 But even with the help, it still felt like we were dying. 00:17:37.640 --> 00:17:42.880 Because, like, essentially the baby in those first couple of months is, like, nonstop crying. 00:17:43.020 --> 00:17:45.900 And, like, you have to change their diaper essentially, like, every hour or so. 00:17:46.080 --> 00:17:46.380 Yeah. 00:17:46.420 --> 00:17:49.200 They're taking, like, 20-minute naps and then waking up crying. 00:17:49.680 --> 00:17:52.120 And you have to figure out, like, is the baby hungry? 00:17:52.420 --> 00:17:54.140 Does the baby need a diaper change? 00:17:54.820 --> 00:17:57.040 Is the baby crying for some other random reason? 00:17:57.240 --> 00:17:58.400 Like, just is lonely or something. 00:17:58.540 --> 00:17:59.680 Like, there's so many things. 00:17:59.880 --> 00:18:01.980 You basically have this checklist of things you go down. 00:18:02.360 --> 00:18:04.540 And you have no time for anything. 00:18:04.740 --> 00:18:08.920 And not only do you have no time, but you're also extremely sleep-deprived and cranky. 00:18:09.260 --> 00:18:13.620 And so, like, without the help of our parents, like, we would have been absolutely destroyed. 00:18:13.900 --> 00:18:19.480 Yeah, I don't actually remember too much from, like, it just felt like a blur. 00:18:19.820 --> 00:18:21.900 Our first son was a really slow eater. 00:18:22.160 --> 00:18:27.420 So, like, I would have to have him on my breast for, like, 40 minutes for him to get a full meal. 00:18:27.660 --> 00:18:33.520 But then if I put him down for another, like, 20 minutes, it's, like, time for him to eat again. 00:18:33.600 --> 00:18:37.040 So, it just felt like I was breastfeeding him constantly. 00:18:37.440 --> 00:18:42.640 In the beginning, Annie's milk didn't come in for a while because we just didn't understand how that process worked. 00:18:43.020 --> 00:18:44.880 And so, we had to supplement with bottles. 00:18:46.060 --> 00:18:52.660 And so, eventually, like Annie said, she got to the point where she was just so tired and, like, could not handle breastfeeding the entire time. 00:18:52.920 --> 00:18:53.600 She started pumping. 00:18:54.080 --> 00:18:57.520 And what would happen is then she could actually get, like, four hours of uninterrupted sleep. 00:18:57.840 --> 00:18:59.440 And then we would basically take shifts. 00:18:59.620 --> 00:19:02.460 So, like, I would take the shift from, like, I don't know. 00:19:02.860 --> 00:19:05.100 9 until 3 a.m. or something like that. 00:19:05.120 --> 00:19:06.480 Yeah, 9 p.m. until 3 a.m. 00:19:06.840 --> 00:19:10.060 And then, like, either my mom or your mom would take? 00:19:10.240 --> 00:19:12.680 No, I would take them from 3 a.m. until, like, 7. 00:19:13.120 --> 00:19:13.600 Oh, okay. 00:19:13.660 --> 00:19:15.600 And then our parents would take, like, that morning shift. 00:19:15.600 --> 00:19:16.100 Morning shift. 00:19:16.140 --> 00:19:16.720 Slash day shift. 00:19:16.720 --> 00:19:21.260 Like, yeah, from, like, then Frank slept from, like, 3 until, like, 12 the next day. 00:19:21.360 --> 00:19:27.080 And then I was usually up from, like, 3 until 7 and I would go back to sleep from, like, 7 to 12 kind of thing. 00:19:27.160 --> 00:19:28.620 And then we would take over again. 00:19:29.280 --> 00:19:35.060 Yeah, eventually we got into, like, an okay system where, like, we were all tired, but it was bearable. 00:19:35.900 --> 00:19:40.440 And it just kind of slowly got better from that point. 00:19:41.220 --> 00:19:50.080 We obviously were fighting a lot more even after the initial months because once the parents left and it's like, okay, now we have to juggle our work and our chores 00:19:50.080 --> 00:19:53.280 and all the stuff we were doing before in addition to having a kid. 00:19:53.760 --> 00:20:01.900 And so, like, a common problem that occurs after you have your first kid is that each person thinks that they're doing more than the other. 00:20:02.540 --> 00:20:04.140 And that's actually not true. 00:20:04.260 --> 00:20:08.100 It's just because each person is both doing more than they previously were. 00:20:08.320 --> 00:20:12.240 And so it feels like, oh, well, like, why is my partner not picking up the slack? 00:20:12.440 --> 00:20:15.280 But in actuality, like, there's just more work to go around. 00:20:15.760 --> 00:20:19.180 And so even though you're each doing more, it feels like, oh, the other person is slacking. 00:20:19.300 --> 00:20:20.840 Like, how come I'm doing all this extra stuff? 00:20:20.940 --> 00:20:23.580 Like, they're not picking up their end of the bargain or whatever. 00:20:24.180 --> 00:20:28.140 And eventually, like, we kind of figured that out just through talking it out. 00:20:28.840 --> 00:20:31.160 And we also optimized a lot of our lives. 00:20:31.300 --> 00:20:39.100 So, like, we started only using paper plates because essentially, like, we wouldn't have time to, like, clean up after ourselves. 00:20:39.160 --> 00:20:40.600 It just made the whole process a lot easier. 00:20:40.740 --> 00:20:42.180 At the time, we were living in a condo. 00:20:42.240 --> 00:20:44.620 So, we could just throw all of our stuff away after a meal. 00:20:45.000 --> 00:20:45.900 That helped a lot. 00:20:46.460 --> 00:20:51.680 And then once the baby turned six months, we got a nanny for, like, a very short brief of time. 00:20:51.920 --> 00:20:56.020 It got easier also because the baby got a little bit older as time went. 00:20:56.540 --> 00:20:57.900 He actually loved our nanny. 00:20:58.080 --> 00:21:04.020 So, like, we would be working at home or actually, it was, like, pre-COVID, I was still going. 00:21:04.160 --> 00:21:05.680 We would both commute to work sometimes. 00:21:05.760 --> 00:21:13.280 And so, the nanny would come in the morning, take the kid from, like, I don't know, seven till four every day. 00:21:13.580 --> 00:21:22.340 And I would have to, like, rush home from work to relieve the nanny, take the kid, and then basically take care of the kid by myself until Annie came home because she commuted to the city. 00:21:22.620 --> 00:21:22.980 Yeah, yeah. 00:21:23.060 --> 00:21:24.720 Annie had, like, an insane commute. 00:21:25.140 --> 00:21:32.160 Yeah, I would have to get up at 5 a.m. and then commute for two and a half hours, go to work, and then come back at, like, six. 00:21:32.220 --> 00:21:34.120 But I only did this, like, three times a week. 00:21:34.120 --> 00:21:37.500 So, then the other two days, I was, like, I was home. 00:21:38.120 --> 00:21:43.800 And so, essentially, it was, like, the days that Annie did commute, though, like, I would be dead on those days. 00:21:43.940 --> 00:21:46.000 Yeah, like, I would come home, and Frank is just, like. 00:21:48.440 --> 00:21:57.520 Yeah, I get this, like, I go to work, I come back from work, like, I have a rush to come back from work, and then I'm, like, taking care of this screaming child for, like, two hours by myself. 00:21:57.920 --> 00:22:00.220 And then I'm, like, oh, my God, I'm just, like, dying right now. 00:22:00.500 --> 00:22:05.800 It got to the point where our kid would be so happy to see the nanny, because she was spending so much time with him. 00:22:06.780 --> 00:22:13.840 And, like, he would sleep a lot of the night, and so, essentially, it's, like, his best hours, most of the daytime, he would spend with the nanny. 00:22:14.140 --> 00:22:16.140 And we were both thinking, like, man, what is this, like? 00:22:16.320 --> 00:22:22.080 Yeah, every time she would come, he would just have this biggest smile on his face and start crawling over to her. 00:22:22.220 --> 00:22:26.120 And, I don't know, definitely a little bit of, like, jealousy from us. 00:22:26.140 --> 00:22:27.820 Yeah, and then COVID kind of hit. 00:22:28.380 --> 00:22:29.980 No one really knew what was going on. 00:22:30.060 --> 00:22:31.680 Both of our workplaces went remote. 00:22:32.340 --> 00:22:36.220 We let our nanny go just because she's exposed to all sorts of people. 00:22:36.900 --> 00:22:39.600 And at that time, we were, like, okay, we just want to be extra safe. 00:22:39.700 --> 00:22:41.580 Like, we don't want anything that potentially happened to our kid. 00:22:41.640 --> 00:22:42.400 We don't want to get COVID. 00:22:43.220 --> 00:22:46.640 And so, at this point, we're working from home. 00:22:47.280 --> 00:22:52.020 We're both working slash taking care of the kid, and we'll be, like, having meetings with our kid. 00:22:52.280 --> 00:23:03.880 Yeah, that was stressful because, like, it's crazy, like, when you have to entertain your kid and, like, bounce him while you're, like, trying to have an intelligent conversation with people at work. 00:23:04.320 --> 00:23:08.700 It's, like, after, like, a 30-minute meeting, you're just completely exhausted. 00:23:09.280 --> 00:23:10.540 It's actually crazy. 00:23:10.980 --> 00:23:14.220 So, like, we were, like, that's not sustainable at all. 00:23:14.740 --> 00:23:19.460 And what also happened is, like, we were originally planning to send him to daycare at six months. 00:23:19.820 --> 00:23:23.340 But, of course, when COVID hit, a lot of daycares actually closed down. 00:23:23.760 --> 00:23:25.180 And so, we couldn't send him anymore. 00:23:25.820 --> 00:23:30.520 And then, even before that point, it's, like, daycares were extremely in demand. 00:23:30.700 --> 00:23:36.620 And so, if you even wanted to get in, you had to, like, apply many months in beforehand and, like, do all this sort of prep and stuff. 00:23:37.080 --> 00:23:42.300 And then, so, we're basically, like, trying to juggle work, home, our relationship. 00:23:42.540 --> 00:23:48.120 Another thing that, like, people kind of talk about, it's, like, before you have a kid, all your time is your own. 00:23:48.200 --> 00:23:52.060 After work, if you want to play video games for eight hours, you can do that. 00:23:52.160 --> 00:23:57.220 If we wanted to, like, go out and eat a meal in a place that's two hours away, we're free to do that. 00:23:57.640 --> 00:24:03.820 If we want to just, like, do nothing and chill, like, maybe watch a movie or TV or whatever, you know, you're free to do that. 00:24:03.860 --> 00:24:07.880 But once you have a kid, it's, like, all of that free time goes out the window. 00:24:08.300 --> 00:24:14.580 Like, the one regret that I do kind of have that I wish that we did before having children was really take, like, a world trip. 00:24:15.280 --> 00:24:18.260 Because now it's way harder to do that with kids. 00:24:18.760 --> 00:24:26.420 Like, they have a bunch of equipment, essentially, that they need in order to not be extremely frustrated. 00:24:27.100 --> 00:24:33.860 And so, it's, like, I guess it almost wouldn't have worked out because, like, when COVID hit anyway, a bunch of countries started closing down. 00:24:34.060 --> 00:24:36.980 And, like, we wouldn't have been able to travel everywhere that we wanted to anyways. 00:24:38.360 --> 00:24:48.660 But it's, like, yeah, I think the thing that gets talked about sometimes, it's, like, you really have to make sure that, like, you understand what you're getting yourself into. 00:24:48.960 --> 00:24:49.180 Yeah. 00:24:49.380 --> 00:24:56.120 Like, I feel like when I, like, I really wanted to have a kid right away just because, like, I had, like, baby fever. 00:24:56.440 --> 00:24:58.920 And we had talked about it before having this kid. 00:24:58.980 --> 00:25:01.220 And you were kind of like, oh, I prefer to wait. 00:25:01.460 --> 00:25:05.140 But then you didn't really, like, put your foot down or anything like that. 00:25:05.220 --> 00:25:08.200 So, then I was just kind of like, oh, yeah, we're just going to have a kid. 00:25:08.360 --> 00:25:13.160 And I felt like if we just, like, really understood what it meant to have a kid. 00:25:13.280 --> 00:25:19.880 Like, I think before I just assumed that I can do all the same things that I could do before just with a kid now. 00:25:19.920 --> 00:25:21.420 But, like, that's not really true. 00:25:22.020 --> 00:25:22.260 Yeah. 00:25:22.320 --> 00:25:26.580 And, like, another thing that doesn't really get talked about is a thing called postpartum depression. 00:25:26.660 --> 00:25:30.900 Where, like, after the woman has a kid, she, like, gets super sad, essentially. 00:25:31.040 --> 00:25:32.040 And you can talk more about that. 00:25:32.600 --> 00:25:36.500 Actually, I didn't really experience it because we had a ton of help from our parents. 00:25:36.840 --> 00:25:38.500 And then Frank took paternity leave. 00:25:38.540 --> 00:25:40.620 And he was just also very helpful around the house. 00:25:40.760 --> 00:25:44.560 So, I think I cried one time over spilt milk. 00:25:44.760 --> 00:25:51.980 Where, like, because our kid ate so much, like, I wasn't able to keep up with his demand. 00:25:52.580 --> 00:25:56.460 And so, when I, like, there was one time where I pumped and then it spilt. 00:25:56.640 --> 00:25:58.660 I just, like, got so emotional. 00:25:58.960 --> 00:26:01.100 And if you think about it, it's pretty ridiculous. 00:26:01.100 --> 00:26:02.200 Like, oh, it's just milk. 00:26:02.300 --> 00:26:04.220 Like, you can't have formula or something. 00:26:04.340 --> 00:26:09.620 But, like, you're so emotional for no reason that I just, like, I just felt like my world was going to end. 00:26:09.780 --> 00:26:14.860 And that's an example of, like, what postpartum depression might look like or feel like. 00:26:14.920 --> 00:26:19.240 But I would say that I was lucky to not have experienced too much of it. 00:26:19.240 --> 00:26:25.300 Yeah, I think what really, the key point that Annie mentioned is, like, we had a lot of help and I also had pat leave. 00:26:25.500 --> 00:26:29.620 So, like, a lot of women who go through it is because they don't have a lot of help. 00:26:29.720 --> 00:26:33.200 Like, you're expected to have the kid and essentially bounce back super quickly. 00:26:33.600 --> 00:26:40.560 So, now, not only do you have, like, a kid to take care of, but maybe you're a lot more isolated from your friends because now you don't have any free time. 00:26:40.800 --> 00:26:42.620 And also, you might have lost a career. 00:26:42.820 --> 00:26:43.860 Like, you can't work anymore. 00:26:44.380 --> 00:26:51.460 And your entire identity shifts from, okay, before I might have been, like, a wife or independent person with all these hobbies. 00:26:51.720 --> 00:26:53.080 I might have had this career. 00:26:53.080 --> 00:26:57.780 To now completely different to, okay, now I'm a house care taker. 00:26:58.040 --> 00:26:59.480 I'm a child provider. 00:26:59.680 --> 00:27:00.360 I'm a mother. 00:27:00.980 --> 00:27:06.820 And that shift can be really difficult if you don't have a lot of support from family and friends. 00:27:07.020 --> 00:27:10.240 If you're, like, going through that alone is one of the causes. 00:27:10.340 --> 00:27:13.080 And then, like Annie said, like, crying over nothing. 00:27:13.200 --> 00:27:18.760 Like, there's a lot of hormonal stuff that happens that's, like, I'm not qualified to talk about. 00:27:18.980 --> 00:27:20.840 But it's not just, like, the woman being crazy. 00:27:20.840 --> 00:27:25.400 Like, there's a lot of changes happening in the body, a lot of hormones affecting your mood. 00:27:25.620 --> 00:27:31.180 And also, like, you're basically putting yourself for this, like, out for this baby. 00:27:31.260 --> 00:27:33.160 You're doing everything you can for this baby. 00:27:33.320 --> 00:27:35.580 And the baby is not appreciative of you at all. 00:27:35.800 --> 00:27:40.360 Like, especially when they, around six months, they start growing teeth and they start biting you. 00:27:40.460 --> 00:27:43.440 Like, I get so pissed off when they bite me. 00:27:43.520 --> 00:27:45.160 I'm just like, goddammit. 00:27:45.220 --> 00:27:47.800 And then they will, like, look at you and be like, ha, ha, ha, ha. 00:27:47.800 --> 00:27:49.240 Like, it's the funniest thing ever. 00:27:49.780 --> 00:27:52.960 Yeah, and all of this is really amplified by the sleep deprivation. 00:27:53.220 --> 00:27:57.880 Like, it's, like, during the night, the baby's going to get up minimum X number of times. 00:27:58.040 --> 00:28:00.500 And so, you're not going to have, like, a full night's rest. 00:28:00.740 --> 00:28:02.460 And then you have to work the next day. 00:28:02.560 --> 00:28:05.600 And then there's, like, not really a break anywhere in there. 00:28:06.400 --> 00:28:13.580 Oh, I would say that the other thing that we were really lucky with is, like, we sleep trained our kid very early. 00:28:13.620 --> 00:28:13.880 Super early. 00:28:13.880 --> 00:28:17.680 Like, he was able to sleep in his own room at three months. 00:28:17.780 --> 00:28:22.400 So, we were able to sleep full nights once he turned three months. 00:28:22.480 --> 00:28:27.180 I think that's another reason why our, like, our lives became so much easier later on. 00:28:27.280 --> 00:28:33.420 But we have friends who, like, they co-slept with their baby until they were, like, two. 00:28:33.740 --> 00:28:36.820 Co-sleeping basically just means that the kid will sleep in the same bed with you. 00:28:36.820 --> 00:28:37.200 Same bed. 00:28:37.200 --> 00:28:44.900 And, like, they would either sleep, like, sleep apart from their husband for a full year or two and with the baby alone. 00:28:45.040 --> 00:28:50.640 And then they might have their own careers and they have to work the next day but be expected to, like, take care of the baby at night. 00:28:50.880 --> 00:28:52.800 I just think, like, that's a lot. 00:28:52.980 --> 00:28:56.020 And I personally would not be able to do that. 00:28:56.120 --> 00:28:57.600 Like, I would go crazy. 00:28:59.020 --> 00:29:02.440 So, a really funny story about sleep training the kid. 00:29:02.640 --> 00:29:05.660 So, when sleep training, there's a bunch of methods to do it. 00:29:05.760 --> 00:29:09.660 But essentially what happens is your kid cries a ton. 00:29:09.900 --> 00:29:11.300 And they cry hysterically. 00:29:11.380 --> 00:29:12.760 They cry at the top of their lungs. 00:29:12.960 --> 00:29:14.420 And our walls are pretty thin. 00:29:14.900 --> 00:29:19.320 And so, like, as we were trying to sleep train the kid, someone actually knocked on our door. 00:29:19.400 --> 00:29:21.220 Like, hey, is everything okay in there? 00:29:21.460 --> 00:29:27.040 Like, because our kid would just be literally non-stop screaming for, like, an hour. 00:29:27.220 --> 00:29:27.480 Yeah. 00:29:27.480 --> 00:29:29.520 And to the point where his voice got, like, hoarse. 00:29:29.760 --> 00:29:29.920 Yeah. 00:29:30.920 --> 00:29:35.860 There's also, like, something that people don't talk about that happens is a thing called sleep regressions. 00:29:36.120 --> 00:29:41.920 So, even after you, you know, quote-unquote sleep train your kid, they're sleeping through the night, it's not consistent. 00:29:42.080 --> 00:29:43.320 Like, it doesn't just stay that way. 00:29:43.540 --> 00:29:43.720 Right. 00:29:43.740 --> 00:29:46.640 Like, so our – I won't reveal how old exactly our kid is. 00:29:46.720 --> 00:29:55.800 But basically, like, even to this day, he will still have sleep regressions to the point where, like, he won't want to – he will wake up during the night crying for X, Y, Z reasons. 00:29:56.200 --> 00:30:00.240 Like, there's normal development stages that they hit in their, like, mental capabilities. 00:30:00.600 --> 00:30:05.480 And it's a natural process, which – I don't know if people talk about this in, like, the whole parent circle. 00:30:05.600 --> 00:30:08.120 I didn't really know about any of it before we lived through it. 00:30:08.240 --> 00:30:09.560 But it's, like, completely normal. 00:30:09.800 --> 00:30:16.460 But it's also extremely, like, damaging to your mental health because it's, like, oh, my God, we just put in all that effort. 00:30:16.640 --> 00:30:20.000 We thought we were, like, finally getting back to some semblance of normal. 00:30:20.160 --> 00:30:22.880 And then it's, like, nope, JK, like, get wrecked. 00:30:22.980 --> 00:30:24.000 You're not going to go to sleep anymore. 00:30:24.240 --> 00:30:27.580 And then, like, some people might be, like, oh, he's just going through a sleep regression. 00:30:27.740 --> 00:30:31.940 Like, let me go off my schedule for the next couple weeks. 00:30:31.980 --> 00:30:35.720 But, like, what you're really supposed to do is you're supposed to maintain consistency. 00:30:36.000 --> 00:30:40.780 You can kind of give in once in a while but, like, mostly still have a schedule. 00:30:41.000 --> 00:30:43.920 And then eventually he'll just, like, go back to it on his own. 00:30:44.480 --> 00:30:49.520 The most hilarious sleep regression was when he first learned how to stand up. 00:30:50.200 --> 00:30:50.700 Oh, yeah. 00:30:51.240 --> 00:30:54.020 He learned how to stand up but he didn't know how to sit down. 00:30:54.680 --> 00:31:00.800 And so what would happen is he would go to sleep and then sometimes he would wake up in the night and just instinctively stand up in his crib. 00:31:01.220 --> 00:31:03.760 But he'd be too scared to sit back down and go to sleep. 00:31:04.160 --> 00:31:07.840 So what he would do, he would run circles around his crib. 00:31:08.000 --> 00:31:09.400 I should, like, find that footage. 00:31:09.400 --> 00:31:14.120 Yeah, like, holding onto the sides of the crib until he got so tired. 00:31:14.480 --> 00:31:20.160 He collapsed from exhaustion, fell asleep because it's, like, a kind of dramatic collapse. 00:31:20.520 --> 00:31:30.140 It would wake him up, which he would stand up again and be unable to get down and then repeat the process until he was so tired that he would just, like, sleep and then not get back up anymore. 00:31:30.280 --> 00:31:30.380 Yeah. 00:31:30.560 --> 00:31:34.300 I would say, like, this is only specific to this baby. 00:31:34.320 --> 00:31:35.040 The first kid, yeah. 00:31:35.040 --> 00:31:35.220 Yeah. 00:31:35.340 --> 00:31:37.560 I think most babies are not like this. 00:31:37.560 --> 00:31:40.040 But our first baby is such a scaredy cat. 00:31:40.200 --> 00:31:43.700 Like, he's scared to, like, he thinks, like, oh, man, that is too high. 00:31:43.800 --> 00:31:46.340 I cannot, I cannot sit down safely. 00:31:46.880 --> 00:31:51.460 But, like, our second baby is, like, as soon as he learned how to stand up, he also knew how to sit down. 00:31:51.600 --> 00:31:51.800 Yeah. 00:31:52.020 --> 00:31:52.200 Yeah. 00:31:52.240 --> 00:31:55.300 Like, the two kids have extremely different personalities. 00:31:55.300 --> 00:31:57.900 Like, they've inherited a mix of our qualities. 00:31:58.440 --> 00:32:00.520 And, you know, obviously, they have some of their own as well. 00:32:00.840 --> 00:32:07.140 And, like, the one thing that at least I kind of learned about myself, and a lot of people notice it at work as well. 00:32:08.660 --> 00:32:12.600 If people know me, they know I kind of have a fiery personality. 00:32:12.900 --> 00:32:13.780 I love to argue. 00:32:14.260 --> 00:32:15.560 I love to get into arguments. 00:32:15.660 --> 00:32:18.260 I love to debate people on pretty much anything. 00:32:18.920 --> 00:32:22.200 And, you know, I call people out for their BS, even at work. 00:32:23.200 --> 00:32:28.960 But then people did notice that once I came back from the first paternity leave, I became a lot more chill, a lot more understanding. 00:32:29.440 --> 00:32:32.240 A lot of that was probably due to my own sleep deprivation. 00:32:32.480 --> 00:32:36.340 Like, I just didn't have the energy to fight everyone on their BS anymore. 00:32:36.580 --> 00:32:38.680 And people were like, oh, my God, Frank, you've changed so much. 00:32:38.760 --> 00:32:40.780 Like, you're more patient, blah, blah, blah. 00:32:40.960 --> 00:32:42.140 And I was thinking, like, huh. 00:32:43.000 --> 00:32:45.360 Well, maybe I changed, I guess. 00:32:45.540 --> 00:32:50.880 But, like, to be a bit more serious, I think that, like, I'm definitely way more patient now than I was before. 00:32:50.880 --> 00:32:51.700 Yeah, I think so. 00:32:51.940 --> 00:32:56.820 Like, you're also, like, more understanding, I think. 00:32:57.260 --> 00:32:57.620 Yeah. 00:32:57.880 --> 00:33:00.620 I think that has more to do with being with Annie than the kids. 00:33:00.900 --> 00:33:08.720 Like, in the past, I would say, I don't know, six years ago, I was not a very empathetic person. 00:33:08.720 --> 00:33:14.380 I would think a certain way and try to also think, like, well, everyone should think about it this way. 00:33:14.480 --> 00:33:15.260 It's, like, very logical. 00:33:15.480 --> 00:33:16.780 It's, quote, unquote, correct. 00:33:17.660 --> 00:33:18.880 Like, it doesn't make sense. 00:33:19.100 --> 00:33:20.980 If people don't do it this way, like, they're wrong. 00:33:21.060 --> 00:33:23.640 And, like, it doesn't make sense why they would do it their own way. 00:33:23.920 --> 00:33:27.980 Rather than thinking about it in the sense of, like, well, everyone has their own situation. 00:33:28.360 --> 00:33:30.680 People have different mental models of how the world works. 00:33:31.840 --> 00:33:35.180 You know, Annie is much more empathetic, much more people-oriented. 00:33:35.920 --> 00:33:39.380 Whereas I'm probably more, like, logical, idea-oriented, like, conceptual. 00:33:39.840 --> 00:33:44.180 And, like, when you combine multiple ways of thinking and multiple perspectives, 00:33:44.520 --> 00:33:52.000 you get closer to, like, the truth or the, like, actual what happened of a scenario or problem or issue that you're trying to solve. 00:33:52.680 --> 00:33:57.680 And I think that's one thing that, in terms of my own personal growth, I've realized over the past couple of years. 00:33:57.680 --> 00:34:02.960 It's, like, there is no perfect answer for most things in life. 00:34:03.180 --> 00:34:04.880 Like, a lot of things are a shade of gray. 00:34:05.300 --> 00:34:09.340 People like to look at things in black and white because it's easy to conceptualize and bucket things. 00:34:09.520 --> 00:34:13.140 It's just simple to simplify the world in that way. 00:34:13.680 --> 00:34:16.480 You shouldn't write someone off just because they share a different belief from you. 00:34:16.640 --> 00:34:22.800 Like, I think a lot of people, especially online, like, they don't want to use their higher order level thinking skills. 00:34:22.800 --> 00:34:27.220 They don't want to actually conceptualize, like, well, how can my position be wrong? 00:34:27.680 --> 00:34:34.400 They just immediately jump to, like, oh, well, this person has this specific belief and they're wrong and, you know, everything about their character is wrong. 00:34:34.480 --> 00:34:35.340 I can't support them. 00:34:35.560 --> 00:34:39.660 Like, they're a bad person just because they don't share this belief or something. 00:34:39.860 --> 00:34:44.560 You'll see a lot of people on the right and the left hate each other simply for being with the other party. 00:34:45.200 --> 00:34:46.720 And that doesn't make a lot of sense to me. 00:34:46.800 --> 00:34:48.760 Like, at the end of the day, we're all people. 00:34:49.000 --> 00:34:54.920 We're all going to have our own specific beliefs and personal experiences that shaped or molded our personalities. 00:34:55.700 --> 00:34:58.100 I understand how a lot of people reach that point. 00:34:58.540 --> 00:35:04.600 And I also understand how easy it is to really relinquish your critical thinking skills and just kind of go along with what everyone else thinks. 00:35:05.420 --> 00:35:08.200 It's kind of just normal as people, as social creatures. 00:35:08.900 --> 00:35:15.860 But I think that's really one of the things I want to teach my kids is, like, don't just take the popular narrative and adopt it as your own. 00:35:15.980 --> 00:35:20.820 Like, really try to form your own mental models and figure out what makes sense for you as a person. 00:35:21.560 --> 00:35:32.620 Because it's, like, not only do you do yourself a disservice, but, like, society in aggregate is just individuals that form groups that eventually forms opinions that become societal standards. 00:35:33.020 --> 00:35:38.020 And if everyone starts to relinquish their own, like, well, how do I determine what's right or wrong? 00:35:38.120 --> 00:35:40.760 How do I, like, show empathy for my fellow man? 00:35:40.880 --> 00:35:42.660 Like, clearly society is going to degrade. 00:35:44.620 --> 00:35:46.220 None of us want that, right? 00:35:48.000 --> 00:35:56.320 I guess to get the storyline a bit more on track, I mean, the second pregnancy went a lot more smoothly. 00:35:56.900 --> 00:35:58.960 At this point, we were in Canada. 00:35:59.200 --> 00:36:04.400 We pretty much decided we were going to have the kid in Canada for a variety of reasons. 00:36:04.760 --> 00:36:09.620 And it was much more, it was a much more pleasant experience overall. 00:36:09.940 --> 00:36:11.720 The doctors and nurses were more chill. 00:36:11.960 --> 00:36:12.960 We were more chill. 00:36:13.140 --> 00:36:13.960 We were more chill, yeah. 00:36:14.100 --> 00:36:18.520 So the first pregnancy, though, every single day I would be Googling, like, stillbirth. 00:36:18.640 --> 00:36:21.060 Like, what happens if, like, my kid dies? 00:36:21.240 --> 00:36:27.360 Like, you know, I was very paranoid, especially because I had the miscarriage first. 00:36:27.500 --> 00:36:31.760 So then I was like, what if I was incapable of actually giving birth to a healthy child? 00:36:32.200 --> 00:36:35.480 But the second time around, you're just a lot more chill about everything. 00:36:36.520 --> 00:36:38.660 We just did normal things as normal. 00:36:38.820 --> 00:36:42.840 I was, I had a much more, like, healthy relationship with food as well. 00:36:42.840 --> 00:36:46.620 Like, the first pregnancy, I didn't gain a ton of weight, but I gained, like, 35 pounds. 00:36:47.060 --> 00:36:51.300 And it was like, I felt like, oh, I could eat just because I'm pregnant. 00:36:51.440 --> 00:36:52.920 It's okay if I gain a whole bunch of weight. 00:36:53.160 --> 00:36:54.540 But it's, like, really hard to lose that weight. 00:36:54.620 --> 00:36:59.160 So then the second time around, I was just like, let me just, you know, practice intuitive eating. 00:36:59.280 --> 00:37:00.880 Like, not go overboard with this. 00:37:01.840 --> 00:37:08.460 To clarify, intuitive eating basically just means eating until you're satiated and listening to your body, essentially. 00:37:08.460 --> 00:37:09.140 Right, yeah. 00:37:09.320 --> 00:37:12.580 And then I also didn't have any acne the second time around. 00:37:13.860 --> 00:37:15.920 I did think that it was a girl, though. 00:37:16.480 --> 00:37:20.120 Like, I thought it was a girl because I didn't have acne. 00:37:20.280 --> 00:37:24.580 Like, a lot of the reactions were, like, the symptoms for my body were very different from my first pregnancy. 00:37:24.580 --> 00:37:26.300 So I thought it must be a girl. 00:37:26.520 --> 00:37:28.280 Also, I just really wanted a girl. 00:37:28.560 --> 00:37:34.800 And then even after we got the, like, gender reveal note from the doctor and it said it was a boy, 00:37:34.800 --> 00:37:38.140 I still firmly believe that there's a chance that they could be wrong. 00:37:38.580 --> 00:37:42.880 And that even until the day that I gave birth, I was just like, it's still possible that it's a girl. 00:37:43.840 --> 00:37:44.280 Yeah. 00:37:44.460 --> 00:37:48.840 The second time around when the kid came out, he was perfectly healthy. 00:37:49.480 --> 00:37:50.440 He didn't cry. 00:37:51.200 --> 00:37:51.600 Yeah. 00:37:51.700 --> 00:37:54.560 He didn't really cry, which was strange. 00:37:54.560 --> 00:38:00.120 But it turns out he's just, like, a very different, very different personality from the first kid. 00:38:00.240 --> 00:38:01.480 Cried way less. 00:38:01.960 --> 00:38:04.300 Much higher pain tolerance, even to this day. 00:38:04.520 --> 00:38:04.740 Yeah. 00:38:05.220 --> 00:38:13.240 He, like, when the doctor handed him over, he just, like, lied in my arms and just looked at me with a smile on his face. 00:38:13.240 --> 00:38:14.280 Like, peacefully. 00:38:14.640 --> 00:38:15.500 Smiled way more. 00:38:15.860 --> 00:38:16.700 Smiled way more. 00:38:17.100 --> 00:38:23.080 He could already put himself to sleep, like, two weeks after we came back from the hospital. 00:38:23.280 --> 00:38:33.040 I feel like, like Annie said, we were just way more relaxed the second time around because we weren't worried about our child randomly passing away from any random thing. 00:38:33.120 --> 00:38:34.960 Like, we were Googling so many things. 00:38:35.260 --> 00:38:39.720 Anytime even something slightly out of the ordinary with our first kids would be like, oh, my God, is something wrong? 00:38:39.760 --> 00:38:40.820 Do we have to take him to the hospital? 00:38:41.080 --> 00:38:41.280 Right. 00:38:41.280 --> 00:38:42.160 We would, like, freak out. 00:38:42.500 --> 00:38:45.640 Annie wanted to get, like, this weird sock thing that monitor is vitals. 00:38:45.640 --> 00:38:46.080 Oh, yeah. 00:38:46.280 --> 00:38:53.980 It was called the Owlette monitor or something where they send you an alarm if the, like, baby doesn't have a heartbeat anymore or something. 00:38:54.240 --> 00:38:54.540 Yeah. 00:38:54.700 --> 00:38:56.340 I'm really glad we didn't get that thing. 00:38:56.560 --> 00:38:56.740 Yeah. 00:38:56.820 --> 00:38:57.840 Because apparently it's a scam. 00:38:58.580 --> 00:38:58.740 Yeah. 00:38:58.740 --> 00:39:04.060 I don't know if it's a scam or not, but it's, like, they're clearly preying on your fears of, like, oh, your kid's going to die. 00:39:04.060 --> 00:39:11.260 You need to buy our thing or, you know, you're not going to have accurate monitoring of his vitals. 00:39:11.480 --> 00:39:13.400 But clearly, like, both our kids are happy. 00:39:13.540 --> 00:39:13.920 They're healthy. 00:39:14.800 --> 00:39:19.100 Oh, also the second time I really knew, I understood how to breastfeed him. 00:39:19.300 --> 00:39:19.420 Yeah. 00:39:19.420 --> 00:39:22.520 So I kept him on my breast almost the entire time. 00:39:22.580 --> 00:39:25.120 Like, every time he cried, I just put him back on my breast. 00:39:25.560 --> 00:39:29.240 And I would just, like, sleep or sit there with him, like, all the time. 00:39:29.280 --> 00:39:29.980 I didn't mind. 00:39:30.140 --> 00:39:32.520 I had a lot more patience for him this time, too. 00:39:32.520 --> 00:39:35.400 Like, the first time I was just like, it's been five minutes. 00:39:35.520 --> 00:39:36.180 What are you doing? 00:39:36.500 --> 00:39:39.440 And then, so he gained so much weight. 00:39:39.540 --> 00:39:42.660 So typically, babies will lose weight the first couple days. 00:39:42.820 --> 00:39:43.960 He gained weight. 00:39:43.960 --> 00:39:46.620 He was very healthy. 00:39:47.180 --> 00:39:49.400 And the doctors was all very surprised. 00:39:49.720 --> 00:39:50.000 Yeah. 00:39:50.100 --> 00:39:52.240 So, like, this time around, we actually had experience. 00:39:52.580 --> 00:39:55.860 And our second kid was able to actually eat. 00:39:56.260 --> 00:40:00.080 And so he was all, that's another reason why he was probably way happier and, like, crying a lot less. 00:40:00.140 --> 00:40:01.060 Yeah, that's true. 00:40:01.060 --> 00:40:06.260 A couple days because, like, he was actually being fed compared to the first kid who was literally starving. 00:40:06.260 --> 00:40:06.480 Just starving. 00:40:07.120 --> 00:40:10.840 Also, so they do come and draw blood from the baby. 00:40:10.840 --> 00:40:16.760 So, like, they'll take it from the heel, and they test for, like, jaundice and a few other ones. 00:40:16.880 --> 00:40:23.840 So, with our first kid, I remember, like, just being like, oh, Frank, do you feel sad that they're taking his blood? 00:40:23.940 --> 00:40:25.420 And he was like, no, it's good for him. 00:40:25.640 --> 00:40:31.180 And this time, Frank was just like, how dare they drop blood from my baby? 00:40:32.080 --> 00:40:32.320 Yeah. 00:40:32.540 --> 00:40:34.520 And, oh, so a really interesting part. 00:40:34.800 --> 00:40:43.120 Like, when we had our first kid, what you see in movies and what you kind of hear about in stories is everyone's like, oh, you feel this overflowing amount of love for the kid. 00:40:43.540 --> 00:40:45.640 And when we saw the kid, we were just like, huh, this is weird. 00:40:46.100 --> 00:40:48.560 Yeah, both of us didn't feel any amount of love. 00:40:48.640 --> 00:40:50.740 Like, we're like, he doesn't look anything like us. 00:40:50.740 --> 00:40:56.420 Like, and Frank was like, if I didn't see you birth him, like, out, I wouldn't even know that this is my kid. 00:40:56.560 --> 00:41:00.180 Yeah, and I think it's like, you have a lot of expectations from the media. 00:41:00.340 --> 00:41:04.740 It was like, you see people becoming a new parent, and, like, immediately you love the kid. 00:41:04.840 --> 00:41:07.540 But, like, the love kind of grows as you take care of them. 00:41:08.100 --> 00:41:15.900 And, like, once the second kid came, it's like we immediately felt a connection to him because we already built a lot of this connection with our first kid. 00:41:15.960 --> 00:41:19.900 And we understood kind of, I guess, more of what it was like to be a parent. 00:41:20.100 --> 00:41:20.260 Yeah. 00:41:20.340 --> 00:41:22.940 He also looked exactly like our first kid. 00:41:22.940 --> 00:41:26.780 So then it was, it reminded us of our first kid. 00:41:27.080 --> 00:41:30.300 So then we already felt that love towards our first kid. 00:41:30.400 --> 00:41:32.160 So then it was like instant connection. 00:41:32.600 --> 00:41:32.740 Yeah. 00:41:32.820 --> 00:41:34.840 And that's something that people don't really tell you. 00:41:34.940 --> 00:41:40.300 But, like, when you first have a kid, it's going to be an extremely disgusting experience. 00:41:40.740 --> 00:41:43.500 It's going to be like a little purple alien coming out. 00:41:44.240 --> 00:41:46.660 And, yeah, maybe don't film it. 00:41:47.040 --> 00:41:47.040 Like. 00:41:47.360 --> 00:41:48.260 Yeah, don't film it. 00:41:48.360 --> 00:41:48.540 Yeah. 00:41:49.480 --> 00:41:51.940 So we did, like, my dad filmed it. 00:41:52.020 --> 00:41:57.460 Like, and I just refused to watch the footage because, like, it's probably not pleasant. 00:41:57.460 --> 00:42:01.380 Like, I just don't want to see myself in my worst possible state. 00:42:01.800 --> 00:42:08.280 The whole process of being a parent, the most enjoyable part, really, is seeing them grow and progress and gain new skills. 00:42:08.540 --> 00:42:19.600 So we took an insane amount of video and pictures of our first kid just because, like, people don't tell you how quickly this time passes by. 00:42:20.140 --> 00:42:28.320 It seems like they're going to be young kids forever, but you actually don't have that many years before they start talking, before they start running around. 00:42:28.520 --> 00:42:30.880 Both of our kids are now walking around. 00:42:31.400 --> 00:42:33.480 One of them can pretty much ride a bike now. 00:42:33.640 --> 00:42:35.240 And he's starting to say some words. 00:42:35.360 --> 00:42:37.300 He, like, pretty much understands all of what we say. 00:42:37.880 --> 00:42:46.380 And so it's, like, if there's only one thing you take away from this entire podcast is that you should take more pictures and more videos of your kids. 00:42:46.660 --> 00:42:48.560 And try to spend more time with them if you can. 00:42:48.960 --> 00:42:49.180 Yeah. 00:42:49.240 --> 00:42:53.340 Like, we're already starting to forget a lot of milestones and, like, when exactly something happened. 00:42:53.480 --> 00:42:57.360 And if we didn't have those pictures, we wouldn't even remember, like, what they looked like back then. 00:42:57.360 --> 00:43:02.340 Yeah, we don't retain a lot of information from, like, them growing up. 00:43:02.640 --> 00:43:10.020 And some, like, a lot of the times we would just, like, be in bed, like, before we go to sleep, we would pull out our phone and revisit some of the photos. 00:43:10.020 --> 00:43:13.600 And we don't remember most of the videos that we took. 00:43:13.760 --> 00:43:15.500 And that's kind of crazy to me. 00:43:15.840 --> 00:43:19.780 One thing, which is kind of, like, a hot topic among parents is, like, screen time. 00:43:20.120 --> 00:43:22.500 I don't really believe that screen time is that bad for you. 00:43:22.500 --> 00:43:27.440 Like, when I grew up, I essentially taught myself English by watching ungodly amounts of TV. 00:43:27.600 --> 00:43:28.260 Like, I'm an immigrant. 00:43:28.880 --> 00:43:31.120 I immigrated to the U.S. from China when I was four. 00:43:31.680 --> 00:43:33.300 And I couldn't speak any English. 00:43:33.480 --> 00:43:35.440 And so, like, all I could really do was watch TV. 00:43:35.920 --> 00:43:37.100 And, like, I turned out fine. 00:43:37.380 --> 00:43:45.280 And I think people, all the people who are so against screen time are probably really old people who don't realize that, like, in the modern world, you can't get away from screens. 00:43:45.660 --> 00:43:46.420 Like, what are you going to do? 00:43:46.440 --> 00:43:49.960 You're going to keep your child away from TV and computers and cell phones for forever? 00:43:50.420 --> 00:43:51.340 Like, it doesn't make any sense. 00:43:51.340 --> 00:43:54.460 Either that they're really old or they're young and they don't have kids. 00:43:54.600 --> 00:43:56.720 Or they're nowhere close to having kids. 00:43:56.900 --> 00:44:01.160 Because there's no parent that will tell you, don't give your kids screen time. 00:44:01.340 --> 00:44:05.720 Yeah, like, we try to be a lot more restricting of screen time originally. 00:44:06.100 --> 00:44:10.460 So we would try to make sure they would only have, like, maybe one hour max per day. 00:44:10.760 --> 00:44:14.680 And then it just kind of loosened up because, like, it actually helps their development a lot. 00:44:14.880 --> 00:44:17.360 Like, it teaches them skills that they otherwise would not learn. 00:44:17.360 --> 00:44:26.040 So, like, our kid knows how to do, like, a bunch of yoga stretching and, like, karate moves and, like, jumping jacks and all this stuff that, like, they learn from watching TV. 00:44:26.460 --> 00:44:26.740 Yeah. 00:44:26.880 --> 00:44:29.620 Like, my son was just cleaning up the other day. 00:44:29.700 --> 00:44:31.740 Like, he moved a box from here into there. 00:44:31.820 --> 00:44:36.000 And then he just walked away being like, like, how did he learn that? 00:44:37.580 --> 00:44:40.480 Obviously, it's not good if all they're doing is watching TV. 00:44:40.660 --> 00:44:42.660 But, like, we take our kids out twice a day. 00:44:42.660 --> 00:44:43.580 Yeah, twice a day. 00:44:43.780 --> 00:44:48.760 And they, like, they spend so much time outside that, like, their skin is darker than my skin. 00:44:49.000 --> 00:44:50.460 Like, it's like... 00:44:50.460 --> 00:44:53.700 Yeah, our older son, they also have different skin tones. 00:44:53.820 --> 00:44:56.080 So, like, the younger one's very similar to me. 00:44:56.140 --> 00:44:57.200 Like, he's very pale. 00:44:57.400 --> 00:45:01.660 And then our older son's, like, just naturally he gets tanned a lot. 00:45:02.060 --> 00:45:03.200 Well, it's more similar to me. 00:45:03.380 --> 00:45:07.400 If I spend a ton of time outdoors, like, I get really tan as well. 00:45:07.520 --> 00:45:09.340 And so, it's probably... 00:45:09.340 --> 00:45:09.700 But, like... 00:45:09.700 --> 00:45:09.940 Yeah. 00:45:10.200 --> 00:45:15.000 So, like, as soon as the weather became warm, like, he is, like, three shades darker already. 00:45:15.340 --> 00:45:15.600 Yeah. 00:45:16.220 --> 00:45:21.820 But I think it's, like, a lot of people think that, like, oh, my God, screen time is absolutely terrible for you or whatever. 00:45:21.920 --> 00:45:23.140 I don't think that's true. 00:45:23.140 --> 00:45:23.480 Yeah. 00:45:23.680 --> 00:45:25.720 I mean, I think there's pros and cons. 00:45:25.840 --> 00:45:27.080 And people think that there's just... 00:45:27.080 --> 00:45:27.180 Only cons. 00:45:27.180 --> 00:45:28.500 They only think about cons. 00:45:28.800 --> 00:45:33.060 But I think right now for us, the pros are outweighing the cons. 00:45:33.420 --> 00:45:33.560 Yeah. 00:45:33.640 --> 00:45:36.060 It's, like, a lot of the time, you really don't have a choice. 00:45:36.160 --> 00:45:43.440 Because, like, if, say, for example, Annie or I are looking after both kids at the same time and we need to use the bathroom or something, it's, like, oh, I can take one kid. 00:45:43.540 --> 00:45:49.500 But if our older kid can just sit there watching TV for a little bit or, like, we need to prepare food or we need to do laundry. 00:45:49.700 --> 00:45:55.160 Like, there's so many things that you have to, like, try to keep them safe at the same time. 00:45:55.280 --> 00:45:59.020 Like, you also have to be realistic with what you can actually achieve on your own. 00:45:59.260 --> 00:46:04.760 And I think they're actually more attached to the music in the TV show than the screen. 00:46:04.760 --> 00:46:12.660 Because they are completely fine if I just turn on YouTube on my phone, turn off the screen, and just have the music going. 00:46:12.840 --> 00:46:15.220 Or they're okay with us turning on the TV. 00:46:15.480 --> 00:46:21.400 And, like, he'll just hop off the sofa and start, like, doing other stuff while the TV is in the background. 00:46:21.540 --> 00:46:23.260 So, like, they're not glued to the TV. 00:46:23.540 --> 00:46:30.660 Yeah, and so if you want to entertain your kids, you don't want to give them TV, just playing music is a great way. 00:46:30.780 --> 00:46:37.940 Like, even if they're in the back of the car and they're, like, fussing, if we just turn on kids' music, like, most of the time they'll calm down. 00:46:38.380 --> 00:46:40.360 I think a lot of times they're just bored, honestly. 00:46:40.640 --> 00:46:42.600 Like, they want to be entertained. 00:46:44.660 --> 00:46:49.640 But, yeah, I mean, in general, it's, like, parenthood, we're obviously still going through the journey. 00:46:49.760 --> 00:46:50.800 Our kids are very young. 00:46:51.320 --> 00:46:53.240 Everyone says these are the best years. 00:46:53.720 --> 00:46:56.200 Not just of the kids, but, like, of their entire lives. 00:46:56.320 --> 00:47:00.400 When older people are interviewed and they're asked, when were you the happiest? 00:47:00.900 --> 00:47:06.160 Most of them will respond, oh, it's when my kids were really young and I was taking care of them. 00:47:06.380 --> 00:47:10.720 Like, looking back, there are tons of happy moments. 00:47:10.880 --> 00:47:15.300 Like, there are lots of moments when you're obviously really tired, you're stressed, you're overwhelmed. 00:47:16.000 --> 00:47:21.020 We're obviously in a very fortunate position to be able to look after our kids and stay home with them. 00:47:21.680 --> 00:47:27.180 And, like, I've actually been a lot more happy than, I mean, in general, I'm not a super happy person. 00:47:27.300 --> 00:47:29.900 Like, my baseline is probably a bit lower than most normal people. 00:47:30.440 --> 00:47:39.240 But in terms of, like, my general happy moments, I haven't experienced as many happy moments as I have now since, like, childhood, really. 00:47:39.960 --> 00:47:50.300 I also read about how, like, the millennial generation spends, fathers particularly, spend way more time with their kids than any other generation previously. 00:47:50.940 --> 00:47:55.600 And so not only are kids seeing more of their parents, but they're seeing more of their parents from both genders. 00:47:56.300 --> 00:48:03.060 I think it's nowadays, I think before it was mostly the woman who was looking after the kids. 00:48:03.180 --> 00:48:06.340 So it's, like, the guy who would be working, who would focus on his career, focus on making money. 00:48:06.560 --> 00:48:12.300 And then the woman would kind of, like, become the caretaker, become the mom, essentially, of these kids and do everything. 00:48:12.460 --> 00:48:19.840 But now it's, like, much more accepted for guys to change diapers, guys to feed the kids, guys to, like, babysit the kids. 00:48:19.860 --> 00:48:23.020 It's no longer purely just, like, oh, you know, it's mom's job. 00:48:23.140 --> 00:48:24.740 It's now it's, like, oh, it's both parents. 00:48:24.820 --> 00:48:26.140 Like, we can both do all these things. 00:48:27.100 --> 00:48:29.600 And it's, like, I guess not really surprising to me. 00:48:29.680 --> 00:48:36.980 Like, once you've been through it, before I had a kid, I thought, like, oh, it'll be so easy, right, for Annie to, like, be a stay-at-home mom. 00:48:37.040 --> 00:48:39.960 I'll just, like, continue working, making a bunch of money at whatever tech job. 00:48:40.280 --> 00:48:42.700 And, like, you know, Annie can take care of everything at home. 00:48:43.080 --> 00:48:48.420 And, like, some people at work, I got a glimpse of, like, people were saying, like, oh, no, like, I work full-time. 00:48:48.500 --> 00:48:50.580 My wife is, like, full-time stay-at-home mom. 00:48:50.920 --> 00:48:52.380 And, like, I still need to help her out. 00:48:52.460 --> 00:48:54.980 Like, we still send them to stay care sometimes just, like, give her a break. 00:48:55.120 --> 00:48:56.580 And I was, like, huh, how does that make sense? 00:48:56.620 --> 00:48:57.500 Like, is it that hard? 00:48:57.840 --> 00:48:58.960 And, like, yes, it is that hard. 00:48:59.100 --> 00:49:04.220 Like, you can't really know how tiring it is to raise kids until you do it. 00:49:04.460 --> 00:49:08.040 Like, everything that we describe here is not going to do it justice. 00:49:08.300 --> 00:49:15.960 Like, you're not going to get the full experience of all the sleep deprivation, all the stress, all the worrying for your own kids until you have them. 00:49:17.020 --> 00:49:18.640 Yeah, I think that's a really good point. 00:49:18.920 --> 00:49:24.780 I would say that when we had our first kid, I definitely had moments. 00:49:24.940 --> 00:49:29.220 Like, the first three months, I regretted having the kids so early. 00:49:29.220 --> 00:49:29.380 Oh, really? 00:49:29.740 --> 00:49:30.180 Yeah. 00:49:30.680 --> 00:49:35.180 Like, when people say, like, I can't imagine, like, my life without this kid. 00:49:35.240 --> 00:49:36.220 I'm like, I can't. 00:49:36.320 --> 00:49:38.520 I can't imagine my life without this kid. 00:49:39.140 --> 00:49:42.100 But then I, like, kind of got past that point. 00:49:42.220 --> 00:49:47.600 And, like, I don't think I regret having our kids at the age that we did. 00:49:47.600 --> 00:49:52.420 But I wish that we had actually taken a year to travel the world. 00:49:52.860 --> 00:49:53.060 Yeah. 00:49:53.200 --> 00:49:55.860 I mean, the timing didn't really work out with, like, COVID and everything. 00:49:56.360 --> 00:50:00.920 And actually, having both of our kids earlier, I always thought was a better idea. 00:50:00.960 --> 00:50:04.860 Just because, like, the older you get, the more potential there is for health complications. 00:50:06.000 --> 00:50:07.760 And I don't know. 00:50:07.840 --> 00:50:12.640 I guess, like, I want to be young and have energy to actually hang out with my kids. 00:50:12.700 --> 00:50:14.200 I don't want to be, like, a super old dude. 00:50:14.760 --> 00:50:19.220 And by the time I'm, like, 60 or something, my kids are now just going off to college. 00:50:19.440 --> 00:50:22.320 But in terms of, like, if we're ever going to have another kid. 00:50:23.280 --> 00:50:24.560 Annie wants another kid. 00:50:24.620 --> 00:50:25.440 She really wants a girl. 00:50:26.100 --> 00:50:31.180 I am against it for the fact that, first of all, we've already replaced ourselves. 00:50:31.360 --> 00:50:32.140 We've had two people. 00:50:32.400 --> 00:50:33.800 So two and two cancels out. 00:50:34.300 --> 00:50:37.920 But also, it's like, I think she's kind of forgotten how tough it was. 00:50:38.100 --> 00:50:42.040 I actually wanted Annie to go through a surrogacy, even for the second one. 00:50:42.460 --> 00:50:44.940 Because I just felt like pregnancy was really hard on her body. 00:50:45.160 --> 00:50:46.940 And, like, we had the option to do so. 00:50:47.240 --> 00:50:50.300 But she really wants to have, like, a natural pregnancy. 00:50:51.700 --> 00:50:55.260 I think, I guess my main concern is, like, about her health. 00:50:55.900 --> 00:50:59.020 And then also, it's like, finances is also a question. 00:50:59.140 --> 00:51:01.680 Like, right now, we're doing pretty well with our two kids. 00:51:02.020 --> 00:51:06.080 But, like, adding another kid, then it's like, okay, maybe then I would have to start thinking about, like, 00:51:06.080 --> 00:51:08.680 how do I make some more money and go back to work. 00:51:09.540 --> 00:51:09.700 Yeah. 00:51:10.000 --> 00:51:12.500 But, yeah, basically, we're going to put it on pause. 00:51:12.700 --> 00:51:18.040 Like, it would be nice to have one, like, for me later on. 00:51:18.120 --> 00:51:21.760 But, like, at this current situation, I guess we're not going to have any. 00:51:22.120 --> 00:51:25.520 I think even if we were to have a third one, we would still wait a couple years. 00:51:25.620 --> 00:51:26.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:51:26.020 --> 00:51:26.880 Parting thoughts, I guess. 00:51:27.260 --> 00:51:27.900 Parting thoughts. 00:51:28.340 --> 00:51:34.780 I will also say that people think that, like, once the babies are the cutest in their infant stages, 00:51:34.780 --> 00:51:40.660 or when they're a baby, but I've actually enjoyed hanging out with them as they got older, 00:51:40.720 --> 00:51:43.680 as they acquire more skills, and they just get cuter and cuter. 00:51:43.780 --> 00:51:46.520 And, like, you just love them more and more every day. 00:51:46.580 --> 00:51:49.980 Like, I didn't think it was possible to love them more every day. 00:51:50.020 --> 00:51:50.620 I love them more. 00:51:51.020 --> 00:51:52.600 And you're able to communicate with them. 00:51:52.680 --> 00:51:56.520 So, like, before, you'd have to guess a lot of the times at what's making them upset. 00:51:56.520 --> 00:51:57.880 But now it's like they'll tell you. 00:51:58.240 --> 00:51:59.260 They'll be able to gesture. 00:51:59.400 --> 00:52:00.200 They'll be able to say it. 00:52:00.560 --> 00:52:02.200 And that's definitely another level. 00:52:02.620 --> 00:52:07.000 A lot of parents have said that it's because they're not teenagers yet. 00:52:07.080 --> 00:52:10.100 Like, once they reach that stage, they're going to be really hard to deal with. 00:52:10.800 --> 00:52:13.920 So, I mean, I guess we'll deal with it. 00:52:13.940 --> 00:52:14.080 Find out. 00:52:14.280 --> 00:52:14.380 Yeah. 00:52:14.440 --> 00:52:15.200 We'll find out. 00:52:16.220 --> 00:52:16.800 But, yeah. 00:52:17.320 --> 00:52:17.780 All right. 00:52:18.080 --> 00:52:22.080 Thanks, everyone, for listening to Episode 6 of the Frankly Speaking Podcast. 00:52:22.640 --> 00:52:23.200 We'll see you soon. 00:52:23.740 --> 00:52:23.880 Bye. 00:52:23.880 --> 00:52:23.940 Bye. 00:52:24.360 --> 00:52:24.800 Bye.