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Interesting thing that happened to us recently.

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If there's something in your teeth, you should probably floss. Like the prep and everything?

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I mean, we didn't really prep. I don't think. We were very fertile, so we got...

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I was not talking about that part.

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Wait, what are you talking about?

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All right, hello and welcome to the Frankly Speaking podcast. This is podcast episode number six.

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Today, I am joined again by my lovely wife, Annie.

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Hi.

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And we will be talking about our journey through parenthood.

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Basically, what led up to it. I guess what happened the day of and kind of what we've been up to with two kids.

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Yeah, so Annie got pregnant. She went through all the normal like three trimester symptoms.

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Went through like the mood swings, the like cravings, the throwing up.

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Yeah, I had really bad acne throughout this pregnancy. The first pregnancy, it was so bad because I've had acne issues before and then I went on Accutane

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and then I haven't had acne until this pregnancy. I was just freaking out because I thought my acne was coming back.

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Like, oh, also at your one first trimester checkup, they draw like 12 tubes of blood and no one tells you that.

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Like, I think that's the one thing that surprised me a lot is like nobody prepares you for everything that you're expected to know during pregnancy and you're just finding out as you go.

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Yeah, especially like, I don't even like when they draw one vial of blood for like my yearly checkup.

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Yeah, I hate needles and like I hate getting my blood taken and it's like, it's kind of unclear why they need so much.

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I feel like a lot of the tests they run in the States is kind of extraneous.

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Yes, I think that's true because I did not get that many tests in Canada, like maybe half.

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I feel like, I mean, they charge you for every single test that they run and then they're like, oh, this is necessary, that is necessary.

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I don't have to do a lot of that in Canada during my second pregnancy.

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Yeah, the whole, so when Annie was pregnant the second time in Canada, the entire process was way more chill.

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Like, hospital was more chill, the nurses and doctors seemed less stressed.

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Yeah.

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They, it seemed like there were less, we also had less complications like during the actual birthing process.

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Right.

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Yeah, in Canada, I don't know why maybe people up here or our specific doctors and hospitals that we got,

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um, just a much more enjoyable process, way less people too.

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I'm not sure if it's COVID also impacted that.

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So like people weren't, um, allowed to just wait around in the waiting rooms.

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Like they really made sure they like staggered the appointments so that they don't have like a bunch of people.

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So the actual like pregnancy, um, I don't think there were really too many complications really.

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Like we can kind of skip ahead to when Annie actually needed to go to the hospital.

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Yeah.

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So like the weeks leading up to the birth, uh, it felt like I was on call, but for like potential having to drive Annie to the hospital.

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Cause it was like, all right, um, I'm basically just waiting to go on paternity leave at this point.

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I'm waiting to like take Annie to the hospital.

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We had like the entire trip plan.

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We had like, I don't know, it felt like we were ready, but it still was like a certain nervousness just because it was our first kid.

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Like who knows what could happen.

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You also don't know when to even expect the baby.

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Like I feel like I was ready to have the baby at like 38 weeks and then the baby didn't come until 41 weeks and you're around 40 weeks.

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You're just like, okay, is the baby coming?

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Like, is something wrong with me?

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Like, why isn't there any movement?

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Like, I don't feel anything.

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Yeah.

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And like, what was hilarious is that we actually went to the hospital the first time and they sent us back because they're like, they're like, yeah, you're not actually dilated enough.

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Like you have to go back home.

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Okay.

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So I think that I have like very high pain tolerance because every time I go to a dentist, like I sometimes can have them like, you know, drill holes in my teeth without even any freezing.

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But freezing for all the Americans out there basically means getting your mouth numbed.

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Oh, okay.

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Yes.

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Um, and so, uh, so I was telling Frank the whole time, like, I'm not going to get an epidural.

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Like, I'm not, I'm just going to have this baby, like the old fashioned way, like no help whatsoever.

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And then as soon as like the cramps started coming on, I was just like, I can't handle this.

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Like definitely getting an epidural.

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So like the first time we went to the hospital and he's like, oh my God, this is so much pain.

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Like the baby's coming.

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We go to the hospital and basically we're there for like eight hours and the nurses are like, yeah, you're not having this baby.

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You need to go back home.

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Like you're not even close.

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And he's like, oh my God.

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I was like dilated like one centimeter or something and you need it to be 10 centimeters.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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And they had Annie like walking around the hospital and stuff and basically to see if like she would dilate any more.

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And basically.

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I did not.

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It did not move at all.

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Yeah, so we go back home and basically it's like a false alarm later on.

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So like you have you hear the stories like, oh, your water breaks and that's when you know it's ready.

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Like Annie's water actually never broke.

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Yeah, it's actually a myth.

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Not a myth.

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Like but a very small percentage of the people have their water break actually like 10% or something really ridiculous.

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Like it's not liking the movies.

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Yeah, so like the next time we went basically the nurses and doctors are like do not come back until the pain is like an 11 out of 10.

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Like it's absolutely unbearable.

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And like basically every night Annie would get these terrible cramps because our kid is essentially he's like kind of upside down and he's like kicking the back of her spine.

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Yeah.

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And so I have to like push against her back and like every couple hours she'll wake me up be like, oh my God, I'm in so much pain.

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Get up.

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No, not even every couple hours, like every 10 minutes once I started like having the contractions.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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And it was like so neither of us were getting good sleep.

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And then luckily for me, Annie's parents, I think the last.

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My mom was already here.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Like in anticipation.

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Okay, I got to tell the story.

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Basically at this point, Frank is already very exhausted.

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But then he was like, yeah, babe, just I'm going to go to sleep now.

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But whenever you feel pain, just wake me up.

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I was like, okay.

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And if you're really tired, like I'll just go to my mom and she can like take over for half of the night.

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He was like, okay.

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And then, and then I like, whenever the next time I felt pain, I was like, hey, Frank, do you want to press on my back again?

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And he's like, just go to your mom.

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I mean, it's slight detail changes, but that's roughly what happened.

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And so the second time they actually let us stay in the hospital, the first time I think they still charge us like $500 or something.

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Yeah.

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Like they charge you, it's ridiculous.

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Like obviously we covered a lot of it through insurance, but it was still like, if we had no insurance, this baby was going to cost us like $50,000.

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Okay.

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Yeah.

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To give you an example of what it's like to have no insurance in China.

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So like when my mom went back for vacation one time and like right as she left, she twisted her ankle.

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And it was like a pretty bad sprain to the point where she eventually needed surgery for it.

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And so in China, they had her own private room with a bed and nurse and everything for two weeks.

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And guess how much it cost?

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$400 USD with no insurance.

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Yeah.

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That's great.

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And so like, if you think about how much that would cost here in like the States.

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You would like go into debt forever for the rest of your life.

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You would be, yeah.

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Without insurance, you'd be absolutely destroyed.

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Yeah.

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So it's kind of crazy to see that like most other countries are more sane in the sense that like they're not going to completely destroy your finances if you get sick and you need a hospital bed.

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Won't really go into that tangent about how the U.S. healthcare system is completely screwed up.

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Canada obviously has universal healthcare, has its own issues, but is obviously a much better system.

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Yeah.

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But I guess we can also highlight some of those differences as we kind of continue talking about our stay.

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Yeah.

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So we're now in the hospital.

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Luckily, we did get a private room.

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Annie's parents are here or is it just your mom or both?

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No, my dad kind of, my dad made it like on the night that we were, I was giving birth.

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Oh, okay.

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So he came later.

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Yeah.

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He came later.

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Yeah.

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And this room, like it was clearly not meant for multiple people to be in there with the wife.

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Like there's one seat that reclined kind of into a bed and the room was frigging freezing.

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Like, I don't know why they turned down the temperatures so low.

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Like we were all freezing in there and they gave us like these thin blankets and like, I think eventually, I don't even know how your parents slept.

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But like the food they gave us was basically non-existent.

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They had like this kind of lunch break room where you could pay for food, but it was all overpriced and like crappy hospital food.

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I feel like I was just immersing pain.

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Well, like Annie, they didn't let her eat because she got an epidural.

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So basically after that, she couldn't eat.

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And like after she got the epidural, she was fine.

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Like prior to it, she was in a ton of pain.

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Yeah.

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But after it, she was able to like sleep and be okay.

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Yeah, I was sleeping.

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Yeah.

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But like the rest of us, we were just like extremely uncomfortable because like even though we were allowed to be in the room with her, this was pre-COVID, pre all the craziness.

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It was such a small area.

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Small room.

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Maybe this big.

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And the three of you had to like fit in there.

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And the five guys we got was actually terrible because it was like kind of cold and soggy by the time we ate it.

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But it was still like better than any of the hospital food by far.

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Yeah.

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Which the hospital food actually got better after you gave birth, but that's kind of.

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Yeah.

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I mean, like they charge you for it and everything.

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So, yeah.

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But like the kind of one thing that stood out to me was how stressed the nurses were.

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Like clearly they were overworked and understaffed.

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Yeah.

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And they were like snapping at each other, blaming other departments for all the like the smallest things.

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Yeah.

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And like it made us stressed as well because like this is our first birth.

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We don't really know what to expect.

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Right.

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So at this point, I've already been into labor for 72 hours.

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I was even telling Frank like at this point, I just want a C-section.

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Like I don't want to go through this anymore.

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It was so painful.

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I just, I would rather they gave me some drugs and just cut me open.

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Like that was going to be easier than whatever labor was.

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And, but then, you know, I went through with it and then got the epidural and it finally

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felt a lot better.

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And then the nurses come and then they're supposed to like, you know, connect me up to an IV.

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And the nurse tried four times and she missed my veins and they, she legally could not perform

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on me anymore.

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So she had to leave and get another nurse.

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And I was just kind of like, Jesus, like who is treating me?

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Like they can't even put an IV in me properly.

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Like who is this nurse?

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And there are complications.

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So like our kid, every time Annie tries to push, his heartbeat will slow down because

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the umbilical cord is wrapped around his neck.

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And so we're in like a pretty dangerous spot.

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We're like, what the hell?

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Like, what do we do?

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Right.

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Because the kid, as he's going down and it's like, his heartbeat is dropping.

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They're like, oh, oh shit.

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Like, stop doing what you're doing.

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Let's, let's try to like figure out what to do.

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Eventually when actually, when Annie actually gave birth, the doctor was actually pretty

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skilled and what she did.

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Yeah, she was a good doctor.

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She like, but it was very violent.

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She like grabbed his head, like yanked him out so hard that he had like bruises on his

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head when he was born.

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And she like quickly unwrapped the umbilical cord from his neck.

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And then like, what they don't tell you is like, the baby had like all this poop and pee

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and just like, it looks like this little purple alien.

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It's like a little Thanos.

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And it was so gross.

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Yeah, like Frank's face.

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You were just standing next to me and he was like.

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But like, clearly she was super skilled and like, you know, unwrapped it from his neck.

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Got this like little suction cup suction.

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I was like poop and pee from his mouth.

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And then they're handing him to me and he just poops all over me.

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Like he's pooping as they were handing him to me.

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But luckily, you know, he was healthy.

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There were no other complications, really.

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He was crying, which is a good sign.

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If your baby's not crying, that's usually extremely worrying because that's, it's like, maybe that's a sign something's wrong.

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But our kid came out pretty healthy.

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We had like no idea how to really feed him at first.

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And so like, you're supposed to try to breastfeed him.

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And it's like, your milk doesn't come immediately.

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It like comes gradually.

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And so like, Annie's trying to breastfeed our kid for like hours and hours and hours.

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And she's like, okay, he must be full now, right?

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Because like.

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Yeah, not hours, hours.

228
00:12:51,260 --> 00:12:54,120
I'd be like, I have him on my breast for like five minutes.

229
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:55,560
I'm like, ah, he's good.

230
00:12:55,660 --> 00:12:56,680
And then I would hand him back.

231
00:12:56,740 --> 00:12:57,820
But he just keeps on crying.

232
00:12:57,940 --> 00:12:58,800
I'm like, what's wrong with him?

233
00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:00,360
I literally just fed him.

234
00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:03,000
And basically it's because he's not getting any food at all.

235
00:13:03,340 --> 00:13:04,200
It's basically like starving.

236
00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:08,960
And he's like, babies lose a ton of their body weight in the first couple of days because the milk hasn't come in.

237
00:13:09,780 --> 00:13:14,420
And eventually they fed him a bottle just to like calm him down.

238
00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:16,880
And also so like he would get some sort of nutrition.

239
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:18,680
We were also inexperienced.

240
00:13:18,780 --> 00:13:22,780
Like we didn't understand how the latching worked or anything.

241
00:13:23,220 --> 00:13:28,440
Well, like no one kind of tells you how long you're supposed to have the baby on the breast for.

242
00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:31,760
And like, I feel like my mom didn't tell me either.

243
00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:34,300
And the nurses were like kind of forceful.

244
00:13:34,300 --> 00:13:38,780
They were like, take our kid's head and like shove it against Annie's breast and be like, eat.

245
00:13:39,140 --> 00:13:39,460
Latch on.

246
00:13:39,780 --> 00:13:41,460
And I'm like, dude, chill.

247
00:13:41,620 --> 00:13:42,800
Like what is going on?

248
00:13:43,260 --> 00:13:50,520
There's a nursery that they can actually take your baby away for the night and basically help you take care of the baby while you guys get some sleep.

249
00:13:50,740 --> 00:13:53,700
So initially Frank and I definitely did not want to do that.

250
00:13:53,780 --> 00:13:57,940
But then by the third day we were like, okay, we really need to take advantage of this.

251
00:13:58,280 --> 00:13:59,560
So we sent him away.

252
00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:04,140
And then they were supposed to bring the baby back to you for a feed around like 2 a.m.

253
00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:07,860
And when they brought him back, he was just out.

254
00:14:08,340 --> 00:14:10,160
He like was not crying.

255
00:14:10,580 --> 00:14:14,660
And I was freaking out because like we were used to him just crying the whole time.

256
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:15,320
Constantly.

257
00:14:15,460 --> 00:14:16,700
And we were thinking like, what happened?

258
00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:17,540
Did they drug our baby?

259
00:14:17,780 --> 00:14:17,920
Yeah.

260
00:14:18,260 --> 00:14:19,500
But no, they just fed him.

261
00:14:20,020 --> 00:14:20,160
No.

262
00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:21,860
Well, they said they didn't feed him.

263
00:14:22,020 --> 00:14:22,620
They said if.

264
00:14:22,740 --> 00:14:25,240
Yeah, but we, we think that they did feed him.

265
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:26,020
Yeah, we think that they did.

266
00:14:26,020 --> 00:14:28,900
He was probably crying so much that they were like, we're just going to give him whatever.

267
00:14:29,060 --> 00:14:32,740
I mean, it's like, it makes sense that he was crying because it's like, oh, he was born.

268
00:14:32,860 --> 00:14:33,700
It's been like two days.

269
00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:34,700
He's gotten like zero food.

270
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:40,980
And so it's, there was actually a baby next door to us that was crying even more hysterically.

271
00:14:40,980 --> 00:14:45,980
And like, even though our kid was crying pretty much all the time, their kid was like absolutely screaming.

272
00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:47,080
Right.

273
00:14:47,140 --> 00:14:49,940
And just like, sounded like they were, I don't know.

274
00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:50,300
Yeah.

275
00:14:50,580 --> 00:14:53,400
We thought we were pretty lucky already because he didn't.

276
00:14:53,520 --> 00:15:02,440
Oh, also for the first day, like the first night, the baby's usually really good because they're still used to like being in the womb and just sleeping most of the time.

277
00:15:02,580 --> 00:15:07,820
And on the second day is when they start to like realize that they're like in this new environment.

278
00:15:07,820 --> 00:15:09,660
And that's when they start to cry a lot more.

279
00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:11,420
So like the second day is probably the hardest.

280
00:15:11,420 --> 00:15:12,980
And they're also starving at that point.

281
00:15:13,140 --> 00:15:14,640
Starving, dehydrated.

282
00:15:15,020 --> 00:15:15,120
Yeah.

283
00:15:15,260 --> 00:15:21,360
And oh, so a lot of Asian babies have a problem with jaundice or potential problem.

284
00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:23,920
And it's basically like this yellowing of the skin.

285
00:15:24,220 --> 00:15:26,700
It has to do with their metabolism.

286
00:15:26,700 --> 00:15:31,900
And basically it's like, after you start feeding them, it goes away as their like natural system flushes it out.

287
00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:41,160
However, what ended up happening is when that happens and like when they tested him for it, he was kind of borderline again.

288
00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:42,460
He's like, they could have done it.

289
00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:43,040
They could have not.

290
00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:44,960
Obviously they recommend that you do do it.

291
00:15:45,260 --> 00:15:47,880
So they come out with this like blue light thing that's supposed to help.

292
00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:51,180
And it's like basically cooking your baby.

293
00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:53,060
It's like, it's so hot.

294
00:15:53,140 --> 00:15:54,400
It's putting him in like this little oven.

295
00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:57,140
And like, we didn't really understand how to like swaddle him correctly.

296
00:15:57,140 --> 00:16:04,420
So the nurse would come in and swaddle him, puts him in three layers and swaddle and puts this freaking oven blue light on him.

297
00:16:04,540 --> 00:16:05,960
And he's like literally burning up.

298
00:16:06,020 --> 00:16:06,700
He's like being cooked.

299
00:16:06,820 --> 00:16:06,900
Yeah.

300
00:16:06,980 --> 00:16:08,560
This nurse didn't know what she was doing.

301
00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:11,720
Like other nurses were only swaddling him in like one blanket.

302
00:16:11,940 --> 00:16:13,660
And then this nurse came with like three.

303
00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:14,140
Yeah.

304
00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:15,160
Yeah.

305
00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:19,480
Probably because she's like, oh, I do this for everyone else because like other babies probably didn't have that blue light thing.

306
00:16:20,140 --> 00:16:22,540
But like eventually we leave the hospital.

307
00:16:22,700 --> 00:16:23,400
Everything's fine.

308
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:24,140
We're like tired.

309
00:16:24,580 --> 00:16:26,160
The food was surprisingly decent.

310
00:16:26,380 --> 00:16:26,520
Yeah.

311
00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:27,880
So we got like a meal allowance.

312
00:16:28,140 --> 00:16:29,740
Frank's like favorite part.

313
00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:35,640
The only like, yeah, the only really positive experience other than like the doctor being super skilled in the delivery.

314
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:40,020
But the only other positive experience was like the food was okay.

315
00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:42,700
It was handled by this like third party contractor.

316
00:16:43,020 --> 00:16:45,800
And the nurses the entire time were just like talking down on them.

317
00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:46,740
Be like, oh, they suck.

318
00:16:46,820 --> 00:16:48,580
They like always get the orders wrong.

319
00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:49,320
They're not timely.

320
00:16:49,460 --> 00:16:49,900
Blah, blah, blah.

321
00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:51,700
And I was thinking like, this is fine.

322
00:16:51,940 --> 00:16:55,120
Like, I feel like one time we just didn't get our food for like hours.

323
00:16:55,500 --> 00:16:57,520
And then, yeah, there was one meal that they were late.

324
00:16:58,260 --> 00:17:00,700
And the nurses were just like, yeah, I got to have a talking with them.

325
00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:01,420
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

326
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:01,800
Yeah.

327
00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:06,200
But, I mean, we finally got to go home.

328
00:17:06,620 --> 00:17:09,500
I don't remember how long your mom stayed with us.

329
00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:11,900
I think my mom stayed for three weeks.

330
00:17:12,060 --> 00:17:16,180
And then we had him for about, oh, no, no.

331
00:17:16,460 --> 00:17:17,860
My mom came for three weeks.

332
00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:20,480
And then your parents came to visit right away.

333
00:17:20,900 --> 00:17:24,440
And then your dad and brothers left after a week.

334
00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:26,660
And then your mom stayed with us for six weeks.

335
00:17:26,820 --> 00:17:30,460
And then we had the baby to ourselves for like two weeks.

336
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:31,580
And then my mom came back.

337
00:17:31,940 --> 00:17:33,980
So, like, we had a ton of help.

338
00:17:34,060 --> 00:17:35,040
Yeah, we were super lucky.

339
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:37,600
But even with the help, it still felt like we were dying.

340
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:42,880
Because, like, essentially the baby in those first couple of months is, like, nonstop crying.

341
00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:45,900
And, like, you have to change their diaper essentially, like, every hour or so.

342
00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:46,380
Yeah.

343
00:17:46,420 --> 00:17:49,200
They're taking, like, 20-minute naps and then waking up crying.

344
00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:52,120
And you have to figure out, like, is the baby hungry?

345
00:17:52,420 --> 00:17:54,140
Does the baby need a diaper change?

346
00:17:54,820 --> 00:17:57,040
Is the baby crying for some other random reason?

347
00:17:57,240 --> 00:17:58,400
Like, just is lonely or something.

348
00:17:58,540 --> 00:17:59,680
Like, there's so many things.

349
00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:01,980
You basically have this checklist of things you go down.

350
00:18:02,360 --> 00:18:04,540
And you have no time for anything.

351
00:18:04,740 --> 00:18:08,920
And not only do you have no time, but you're also extremely sleep-deprived and cranky.

352
00:18:09,260 --> 00:18:13,620
And so, like, without the help of our parents, like, we would have been absolutely destroyed.

353
00:18:13,900 --> 00:18:19,480
Yeah, I don't actually remember too much from, like, it just felt like a blur.

354
00:18:19,820 --> 00:18:21,900
Our first son was a really slow eater.

355
00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:27,420
So, like, I would have to have him on my breast for, like, 40 minutes for him to get a full meal.

356
00:18:27,660 --> 00:18:33,520
But then if I put him down for another, like, 20 minutes, it's, like, time for him to eat again.

357
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:37,040
So, it just felt like I was breastfeeding him constantly.

358
00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:42,640
In the beginning, Annie's milk didn't come in for a while because we just didn't understand how that process worked.

359
00:18:43,020 --> 00:18:44,880
And so, we had to supplement with bottles.

360
00:18:46,060 --> 00:18:52,660
And so, eventually, like Annie said, she got to the point where she was just so tired and, like, could not handle breastfeeding the entire time.

361
00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:53,600
She started pumping.

362
00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:57,520
And what would happen is then she could actually get, like, four hours of uninterrupted sleep.

363
00:18:57,840 --> 00:18:59,440
And then we would basically take shifts.

364
00:18:59,620 --> 00:19:02,460
So, like, I would take the shift from, like, I don't know.

365
00:19:02,860 --> 00:19:05,100
9 until 3 a.m. or something like that.

366
00:19:05,120 --> 00:19:06,480
Yeah, 9 p.m. until 3 a.m.

367
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:10,060
And then, like, either my mom or your mom would take?

368
00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:12,680
No, I would take them from 3 a.m. until, like, 7.

369
00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:13,600
Oh, okay.

370
00:19:13,660 --> 00:19:15,600
And then our parents would take, like, that morning shift.

371
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:16,100
Morning shift.

372
00:19:16,140 --> 00:19:16,720
Slash day shift.

373
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:21,260
Like, yeah, from, like, then Frank slept from, like, 3 until, like, 12 the next day.

374
00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:27,080
And then I was usually up from, like, 3 until 7 and I would go back to sleep from, like, 7 to 12 kind of thing.

375
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:28,620
And then we would take over again.

376
00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:35,060
Yeah, eventually we got into, like, an okay system where, like, we were all tired, but it was bearable.

377
00:19:35,900 --> 00:19:40,440
And it just kind of slowly got better from that point.

378
00:19:41,220 --> 00:19:50,080
We obviously were fighting a lot more even after the initial months because once the parents left and it's like, okay, now we have to juggle our work and our chores

379
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:53,280
and all the stuff we were doing before in addition to having a kid.

380
00:19:53,760 --> 00:20:01,900
And so, like, a common problem that occurs after you have your first kid is that each person thinks that they're doing more than the other.

381
00:20:02,540 --> 00:20:04,140
And that's actually not true.

382
00:20:04,260 --> 00:20:08,100
It's just because each person is both doing more than they previously were.

383
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:12,240
And so it feels like, oh, well, like, why is my partner not picking up the slack?

384
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:15,280
But in actuality, like, there's just more work to go around.

385
00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:19,180
And so even though you're each doing more, it feels like, oh, the other person is slacking.

386
00:20:19,300 --> 00:20:20,840
Like, how come I'm doing all this extra stuff?

387
00:20:20,940 --> 00:20:23,580
Like, they're not picking up their end of the bargain or whatever.

388
00:20:24,180 --> 00:20:28,140
And eventually, like, we kind of figured that out just through talking it out.

389
00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:31,160
And we also optimized a lot of our lives.

390
00:20:31,300 --> 00:20:39,100
So, like, we started only using paper plates because essentially, like, we wouldn't have time to, like, clean up after ourselves.

391
00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:40,600
It just made the whole process a lot easier.

392
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,180
At the time, we were living in a condo.

393
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:44,620
So, we could just throw all of our stuff away after a meal.

394
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:45,900
That helped a lot.

395
00:20:46,460 --> 00:20:51,680
And then once the baby turned six months, we got a nanny for, like, a very short brief of time.

396
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:56,020
It got easier also because the baby got a little bit older as time went.

397
00:20:56,540 --> 00:20:57,900
He actually loved our nanny.

398
00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:04,020
So, like, we would be working at home or actually, it was, like, pre-COVID, I was still going.

399
00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:05,680
We would both commute to work sometimes.

400
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:13,280
And so, the nanny would come in the morning, take the kid from, like, I don't know, seven till four every day.

401
00:21:13,580 --> 00:21:22,340
And I would have to, like, rush home from work to relieve the nanny, take the kid, and then basically take care of the kid by myself until Annie came home because she commuted to the city.

402
00:21:22,620 --> 00:21:22,980
Yeah, yeah.

403
00:21:23,060 --> 00:21:24,720
Annie had, like, an insane commute.

404
00:21:25,140 --> 00:21:32,160
Yeah, I would have to get up at 5 a.m. and then commute for two and a half hours, go to work, and then come back at, like, six.

405
00:21:32,220 --> 00:21:34,120
But I only did this, like, three times a week.

406
00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:37,500
So, then the other two days, I was, like, I was home.

407
00:21:38,120 --> 00:21:43,800
And so, essentially, it was, like, the days that Annie did commute, though, like, I would be dead on those days.

408
00:21:43,940 --> 00:21:46,000
Yeah, like, I would come home, and Frank is just, like.

409
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:57,520
Yeah, I get this, like, I go to work, I come back from work, like, I have a rush to come back from work, and then I'm, like, taking care of this screaming child for, like, two hours by myself.

410
00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:00,220
And then I'm, like, oh, my God, I'm just, like, dying right now.

411
00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:05,800
It got to the point where our kid would be so happy to see the nanny, because she was spending so much time with him.

412
00:22:06,780 --> 00:22:13,840
And, like, he would sleep a lot of the night, and so, essentially, it's, like, his best hours, most of the daytime, he would spend with the nanny.

413
00:22:14,140 --> 00:22:16,140
And we were both thinking, like, man, what is this, like?

414
00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:22,080
Yeah, every time she would come, he would just have this biggest smile on his face and start crawling over to her.

415
00:22:22,220 --> 00:22:26,120
And, I don't know, definitely a little bit of, like, jealousy from us.

416
00:22:26,140 --> 00:22:27,820
Yeah, and then COVID kind of hit.

417
00:22:28,380 --> 00:22:29,980
No one really knew what was going on.

418
00:22:30,060 --> 00:22:31,680
Both of our workplaces went remote.

419
00:22:32,340 --> 00:22:36,220
We let our nanny go just because she's exposed to all sorts of people.

420
00:22:36,900 --> 00:22:39,600
And at that time, we were, like, okay, we just want to be extra safe.

421
00:22:39,700 --> 00:22:41,580
Like, we don't want anything that potentially happened to our kid.

422
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:42,400
We don't want to get COVID.

423
00:22:43,220 --> 00:22:46,640
And so, at this point, we're working from home.

424
00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:52,020
We're both working slash taking care of the kid, and we'll be, like, having meetings with our kid.

425
00:22:52,280 --> 00:23:03,880
Yeah, that was stressful because, like, it's crazy, like, when you have to entertain your kid and, like, bounce him while you're, like, trying to have an intelligent conversation with people at work.

426
00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:08,700
It's, like, after, like, a 30-minute meeting, you're just completely exhausted.

427
00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:10,540
It's actually crazy.

428
00:23:10,980 --> 00:23:14,220
So, like, we were, like, that's not sustainable at all.

429
00:23:14,740 --> 00:23:19,460
And what also happened is, like, we were originally planning to send him to daycare at six months.

430
00:23:19,820 --> 00:23:23,340
But, of course, when COVID hit, a lot of daycares actually closed down.

431
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:25,180
And so, we couldn't send him anymore.

432
00:23:25,820 --> 00:23:30,520
And then, even before that point, it's, like, daycares were extremely in demand.

433
00:23:30,700 --> 00:23:36,620
And so, if you even wanted to get in, you had to, like, apply many months in beforehand and, like, do all this sort of prep and stuff.

434
00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:42,300
And then, so, we're basically, like, trying to juggle work, home, our relationship.

435
00:23:42,540 --> 00:23:48,120
Another thing that, like, people kind of talk about, it's, like, before you have a kid, all your time is your own.

436
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:52,060
After work, if you want to play video games for eight hours, you can do that.

437
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:57,220
If we wanted to, like, go out and eat a meal in a place that's two hours away, we're free to do that.

438
00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:03,820
If we want to just, like, do nothing and chill, like, maybe watch a movie or TV or whatever, you know, you're free to do that.

439
00:24:03,860 --> 00:24:07,880
But once you have a kid, it's, like, all of that free time goes out the window.

440
00:24:08,300 --> 00:24:14,580
Like, the one regret that I do kind of have that I wish that we did before having children was really take, like, a world trip.

441
00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:18,260
Because now it's way harder to do that with kids.

442
00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:26,420
Like, they have a bunch of equipment, essentially, that they need in order to not be extremely frustrated.

443
00:24:27,100 --> 00:24:33,860
And so, it's, like, I guess it almost wouldn't have worked out because, like, when COVID hit anyway, a bunch of countries started closing down.

444
00:24:34,060 --> 00:24:36,980
And, like, we wouldn't have been able to travel everywhere that we wanted to anyways.

445
00:24:38,360 --> 00:24:48,660
But it's, like, yeah, I think the thing that gets talked about sometimes, it's, like, you really have to make sure that, like, you understand what you're getting yourself into.

446
00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:49,180
Yeah.

447
00:24:49,380 --> 00:24:56,120
Like, I feel like when I, like, I really wanted to have a kid right away just because, like, I had, like, baby fever.

448
00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:58,920
And we had talked about it before having this kid.

449
00:24:58,980 --> 00:25:01,220
And you were kind of like, oh, I prefer to wait.

450
00:25:01,460 --> 00:25:05,140
But then you didn't really, like, put your foot down or anything like that.

451
00:25:05,220 --> 00:25:08,200
So, then I was just kind of like, oh, yeah, we're just going to have a kid.

452
00:25:08,360 --> 00:25:13,160
And I felt like if we just, like, really understood what it meant to have a kid.

453
00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:19,880
Like, I think before I just assumed that I can do all the same things that I could do before just with a kid now.

454
00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:21,420
But, like, that's not really true.

455
00:25:22,020 --> 00:25:22,260
Yeah.

456
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:26,580
And, like, another thing that doesn't really get talked about is a thing called postpartum depression.

457
00:25:26,660 --> 00:25:30,900
Where, like, after the woman has a kid, she, like, gets super sad, essentially.

458
00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:32,040
And you can talk more about that.

459
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:36,500
Actually, I didn't really experience it because we had a ton of help from our parents.

460
00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:38,500
And then Frank took paternity leave.

461
00:25:38,540 --> 00:25:40,620
And he was just also very helpful around the house.

462
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:44,560
So, I think I cried one time over spilt milk.

463
00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:51,980
Where, like, because our kid ate so much, like, I wasn't able to keep up with his demand.

464
00:25:52,580 --> 00:25:56,460
And so, when I, like, there was one time where I pumped and then it spilt.

465
00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:58,660
I just, like, got so emotional.

466
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:01,100
And if you think about it, it's pretty ridiculous.

467
00:26:01,100 --> 00:26:02,200
Like, oh, it's just milk.

468
00:26:02,300 --> 00:26:04,220
Like, you can't have formula or something.

469
00:26:04,340 --> 00:26:09,620
But, like, you're so emotional for no reason that I just, like, I just felt like my world was going to end.

470
00:26:09,780 --> 00:26:14,860
And that's an example of, like, what postpartum depression might look like or feel like.

471
00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:19,240
But I would say that I was lucky to not have experienced too much of it.

472
00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:25,300
Yeah, I think what really, the key point that Annie mentioned is, like, we had a lot of help and I also had pat leave.

473
00:26:25,500 --> 00:26:29,620
So, like, a lot of women who go through it is because they don't have a lot of help.

474
00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:33,200
Like, you're expected to have the kid and essentially bounce back super quickly.

475
00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:40,560
So, now, not only do you have, like, a kid to take care of, but maybe you're a lot more isolated from your friends because now you don't have any free time.

476
00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:42,620
And also, you might have lost a career.

477
00:26:42,820 --> 00:26:43,860
Like, you can't work anymore.

478
00:26:44,380 --> 00:26:51,460
And your entire identity shifts from, okay, before I might have been, like, a wife or independent person with all these hobbies.

479
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:53,080
I might have had this career.

480
00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:57,780
To now completely different to, okay, now I'm a house care taker.

481
00:26:58,040 --> 00:26:59,480
I'm a child provider.

482
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:00,360
I'm a mother.

483
00:27:00,980 --> 00:27:06,820
And that shift can be really difficult if you don't have a lot of support from family and friends.

484
00:27:07,020 --> 00:27:10,240
If you're, like, going through that alone is one of the causes.

485
00:27:10,340 --> 00:27:13,080
And then, like Annie said, like, crying over nothing.

486
00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:18,760
Like, there's a lot of hormonal stuff that happens that's, like, I'm not qualified to talk about.

487
00:27:18,980 --> 00:27:20,840
But it's not just, like, the woman being crazy.

488
00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:25,400
Like, there's a lot of changes happening in the body, a lot of hormones affecting your mood.

489
00:27:25,620 --> 00:27:31,180
And also, like, you're basically putting yourself for this, like, out for this baby.

490
00:27:31,260 --> 00:27:33,160
You're doing everything you can for this baby.

491
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:35,580
And the baby is not appreciative of you at all.

492
00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:40,360
Like, especially when they, around six months, they start growing teeth and they start biting you.

493
00:27:40,460 --> 00:27:43,440
Like, I get so pissed off when they bite me.

494
00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:45,160
I'm just like, goddammit.

495
00:27:45,220 --> 00:27:47,800
And then they will, like, look at you and be like, ha, ha, ha, ha.

496
00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:49,240
Like, it's the funniest thing ever.

497
00:27:49,780 --> 00:27:52,960
Yeah, and all of this is really amplified by the sleep deprivation.

498
00:27:53,220 --> 00:27:57,880
Like, it's, like, during the night, the baby's going to get up minimum X number of times.

499
00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:00,500
And so, you're not going to have, like, a full night's rest.

500
00:28:00,740 --> 00:28:02,460
And then you have to work the next day.

501
00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:05,600
And then there's, like, not really a break anywhere in there.

502
00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:13,580
Oh, I would say that the other thing that we were really lucky with is, like, we sleep trained our kid very early.

503
00:28:13,620 --> 00:28:13,880
Super early.

504
00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:17,680
Like, he was able to sleep in his own room at three months.

505
00:28:17,780 --> 00:28:22,400
So, we were able to sleep full nights once he turned three months.

506
00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:27,180
I think that's another reason why our, like, our lives became so much easier later on.

507
00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:33,420
But we have friends who, like, they co-slept with their baby until they were, like, two.

508
00:28:33,740 --> 00:28:36,820
Co-sleeping basically just means that the kid will sleep in the same bed with you.

509
00:28:36,820 --> 00:28:37,200
Same bed.

510
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:44,900
And, like, they would either sleep, like, sleep apart from their husband for a full year or two and with the baby alone.

511
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:50,640
And then they might have their own careers and they have to work the next day but be expected to, like, take care of the baby at night.

512
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:52,800
I just think, like, that's a lot.

513
00:28:52,980 --> 00:28:56,020
And I personally would not be able to do that.

514
00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:57,600
Like, I would go crazy.

515
00:28:59,020 --> 00:29:02,440
So, a really funny story about sleep training the kid.

516
00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:05,660
So, when sleep training, there's a bunch of methods to do it.

517
00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:09,660
But essentially what happens is your kid cries a ton.

518
00:29:09,900 --> 00:29:11,300
And they cry hysterically.

519
00:29:11,380 --> 00:29:12,760
They cry at the top of their lungs.

520
00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:14,420
And our walls are pretty thin.

521
00:29:14,900 --> 00:29:19,320
And so, like, as we were trying to sleep train the kid, someone actually knocked on our door.

522
00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:21,220
Like, hey, is everything okay in there?

523
00:29:21,460 --> 00:29:27,040
Like, because our kid would just be literally non-stop screaming for, like, an hour.

524
00:29:27,220 --> 00:29:27,480
Yeah.

525
00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:29,520
And to the point where his voice got, like, hoarse.

526
00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:29,920
Yeah.

527
00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:35,860
There's also, like, something that people don't talk about that happens is a thing called sleep regressions.

528
00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:41,920
So, even after you, you know, quote-unquote sleep train your kid, they're sleeping through the night, it's not consistent.

529
00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:43,320
Like, it doesn't just stay that way.

530
00:29:43,540 --> 00:29:43,720
Right.

531
00:29:43,740 --> 00:29:46,640
Like, so our – I won't reveal how old exactly our kid is.

532
00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:55,800
But basically, like, even to this day, he will still have sleep regressions to the point where, like, he won't want to – he will wake up during the night crying for X, Y, Z reasons.

533
00:29:56,200 --> 00:30:00,240
Like, there's normal development stages that they hit in their, like, mental capabilities.

534
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:05,480
And it's a natural process, which – I don't know if people talk about this in, like, the whole parent circle.

535
00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:08,120
I didn't really know about any of it before we lived through it.

536
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:09,560
But it's, like, completely normal.

537
00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:16,460
But it's also extremely, like, damaging to your mental health because it's, like, oh, my God, we just put in all that effort.

538
00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:20,000
We thought we were, like, finally getting back to some semblance of normal.

539
00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:22,880
And then it's, like, nope, JK, like, get wrecked.

540
00:30:22,980 --> 00:30:24,000
You're not going to go to sleep anymore.

541
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:27,580
And then, like, some people might be, like, oh, he's just going through a sleep regression.

542
00:30:27,740 --> 00:30:31,940
Like, let me go off my schedule for the next couple weeks.

543
00:30:31,980 --> 00:30:35,720
But, like, what you're really supposed to do is you're supposed to maintain consistency.

544
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:40,780
You can kind of give in once in a while but, like, mostly still have a schedule.

545
00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:43,920
And then eventually he'll just, like, go back to it on his own.

546
00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:49,520
The most hilarious sleep regression was when he first learned how to stand up.

547
00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:50,700
Oh, yeah.

548
00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:54,020
He learned how to stand up but he didn't know how to sit down.

549
00:30:54,680 --> 00:31:00,800
And so what would happen is he would go to sleep and then sometimes he would wake up in the night and just instinctively stand up in his crib.

550
00:31:01,220 --> 00:31:03,760
But he'd be too scared to sit back down and go to sleep.

551
00:31:04,160 --> 00:31:07,840
So what he would do, he would run circles around his crib.

552
00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:09,400
I should, like, find that footage.

553
00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:14,120
Yeah, like, holding onto the sides of the crib until he got so tired.

554
00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:20,160
He collapsed from exhaustion, fell asleep because it's, like, a kind of dramatic collapse.

555
00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:30,140
It would wake him up, which he would stand up again and be unable to get down and then repeat the process until he was so tired that he would just, like, sleep and then not get back up anymore.

556
00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:30,380
Yeah.

557
00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:34,300
I would say, like, this is only specific to this baby.

558
00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:35,040
The first kid, yeah.

559
00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:35,220
Yeah.

560
00:31:35,340 --> 00:31:37,560
I think most babies are not like this.

561
00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:40,040
But our first baby is such a scaredy cat.

562
00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:43,700
Like, he's scared to, like, he thinks, like, oh, man, that is too high.

563
00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:46,340
I cannot, I cannot sit down safely.

564
00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:51,460
But, like, our second baby is, like, as soon as he learned how to stand up, he also knew how to sit down.

565
00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:51,800
Yeah.

566
00:31:52,020 --> 00:31:52,200
Yeah.

567
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:55,300
Like, the two kids have extremely different personalities.

568
00:31:55,300 --> 00:31:57,900
Like, they've inherited a mix of our qualities.

569
00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:00,520
And, you know, obviously, they have some of their own as well.

570
00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:07,140
And, like, the one thing that at least I kind of learned about myself, and a lot of people notice it at work as well.

571
00:32:08,660 --> 00:32:12,600
If people know me, they know I kind of have a fiery personality.

572
00:32:12,900 --> 00:32:13,780
I love to argue.

573
00:32:14,260 --> 00:32:15,560
I love to get into arguments.

574
00:32:15,660 --> 00:32:18,260
I love to debate people on pretty much anything.

575
00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:22,200
And, you know, I call people out for their BS, even at work.

576
00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:28,960
But then people did notice that once I came back from the first paternity leave, I became a lot more chill, a lot more understanding.

577
00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:32,240
A lot of that was probably due to my own sleep deprivation.

578
00:32:32,480 --> 00:32:36,340
Like, I just didn't have the energy to fight everyone on their BS anymore.

579
00:32:36,580 --> 00:32:38,680
And people were like, oh, my God, Frank, you've changed so much.

580
00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:40,780
Like, you're more patient, blah, blah, blah.

581
00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:42,140
And I was thinking, like, huh.

582
00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:45,360
Well, maybe I changed, I guess.

583
00:32:45,540 --> 00:32:50,880
But, like, to be a bit more serious, I think that, like, I'm definitely way more patient now than I was before.

584
00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:51,700
Yeah, I think so.

585
00:32:51,940 --> 00:32:56,820
Like, you're also, like, more understanding, I think.

586
00:32:57,260 --> 00:32:57,620
Yeah.

587
00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:00,620
I think that has more to do with being with Annie than the kids.

588
00:33:00,900 --> 00:33:08,720
Like, in the past, I would say, I don't know, six years ago, I was not a very empathetic person.

589
00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:14,380
I would think a certain way and try to also think, like, well, everyone should think about it this way.

590
00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:15,260
It's, like, very logical.

591
00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:16,780
It's, quote, unquote, correct.

592
00:33:17,660 --> 00:33:18,880
Like, it doesn't make sense.

593
00:33:19,100 --> 00:33:20,980
If people don't do it this way, like, they're wrong.

594
00:33:21,060 --> 00:33:23,640
And, like, it doesn't make sense why they would do it their own way.

595
00:33:23,920 --> 00:33:27,980
Rather than thinking about it in the sense of, like, well, everyone has their own situation.

596
00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:30,680
People have different mental models of how the world works.

597
00:33:31,840 --> 00:33:35,180
You know, Annie is much more empathetic, much more people-oriented.

598
00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:39,380
Whereas I'm probably more, like, logical, idea-oriented, like, conceptual.

599
00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:44,180
And, like, when you combine multiple ways of thinking and multiple perspectives,

600
00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:52,000
you get closer to, like, the truth or the, like, actual what happened of a scenario or problem or issue that you're trying to solve.

601
00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:57,680
And I think that's one thing that, in terms of my own personal growth, I've realized over the past couple of years.

602
00:33:57,680 --> 00:34:02,960
It's, like, there is no perfect answer for most things in life.

603
00:34:03,180 --> 00:34:04,880
Like, a lot of things are a shade of gray.

604
00:34:05,300 --> 00:34:09,340
People like to look at things in black and white because it's easy to conceptualize and bucket things.

605
00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:13,140
It's just simple to simplify the world in that way.

606
00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:16,480
You shouldn't write someone off just because they share a different belief from you.

607
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:22,800
Like, I think a lot of people, especially online, like, they don't want to use their higher order level thinking skills.

608
00:34:22,800 --> 00:34:27,220
They don't want to actually conceptualize, like, well, how can my position be wrong?

609
00:34:27,680 --> 00:34:34,400
They just immediately jump to, like, oh, well, this person has this specific belief and they're wrong and, you know, everything about their character is wrong.

610
00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:35,340
I can't support them.

611
00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:39,660
Like, they're a bad person just because they don't share this belief or something.

612
00:34:39,860 --> 00:34:44,560
You'll see a lot of people on the right and the left hate each other simply for being with the other party.

613
00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:46,720
And that doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

614
00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:48,760
Like, at the end of the day, we're all people.

615
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:54,920
We're all going to have our own specific beliefs and personal experiences that shaped or molded our personalities.

616
00:34:55,700 --> 00:34:58,100
I understand how a lot of people reach that point.

617
00:34:58,540 --> 00:35:04,600
And I also understand how easy it is to really relinquish your critical thinking skills and just kind of go along with what everyone else thinks.

618
00:35:05,420 --> 00:35:08,200
It's kind of just normal as people, as social creatures.

619
00:35:08,900 --> 00:35:15,860
But I think that's really one of the things I want to teach my kids is, like, don't just take the popular narrative and adopt it as your own.

620
00:35:15,980 --> 00:35:20,820
Like, really try to form your own mental models and figure out what makes sense for you as a person.

621
00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:32,620
Because it's, like, not only do you do yourself a disservice, but, like, society in aggregate is just individuals that form groups that eventually forms opinions that become societal standards.

622
00:35:33,020 --> 00:35:38,020
And if everyone starts to relinquish their own, like, well, how do I determine what's right or wrong?

623
00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:40,760
How do I, like, show empathy for my fellow man?

624
00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:42,660
Like, clearly society is going to degrade.

625
00:35:44,620 --> 00:35:46,220
None of us want that, right?

626
00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:56,320
I guess to get the storyline a bit more on track, I mean, the second pregnancy went a lot more smoothly.

627
00:35:56,900 --> 00:35:58,960
At this point, we were in Canada.

628
00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:04,400
We pretty much decided we were going to have the kid in Canada for a variety of reasons.

629
00:36:04,760 --> 00:36:09,620
And it was much more, it was a much more pleasant experience overall.

630
00:36:09,940 --> 00:36:11,720
The doctors and nurses were more chill.

631
00:36:11,960 --> 00:36:12,960
We were more chill.

632
00:36:13,140 --> 00:36:13,960
We were more chill, yeah.

633
00:36:14,100 --> 00:36:18,520
So the first pregnancy, though, every single day I would be Googling, like, stillbirth.

634
00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:21,060
Like, what happens if, like, my kid dies?

635
00:36:21,240 --> 00:36:27,360
Like, you know, I was very paranoid, especially because I had the miscarriage first.

636
00:36:27,500 --> 00:36:31,760
So then I was like, what if I was incapable of actually giving birth to a healthy child?

637
00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:35,480
But the second time around, you're just a lot more chill about everything.

638
00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:38,660
We just did normal things as normal.

639
00:36:38,820 --> 00:36:42,840
I was, I had a much more, like, healthy relationship with food as well.

640
00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:46,620
Like, the first pregnancy, I didn't gain a ton of weight, but I gained, like, 35 pounds.

641
00:36:47,060 --> 00:36:51,300
And it was like, I felt like, oh, I could eat just because I'm pregnant.

642
00:36:51,440 --> 00:36:52,920
It's okay if I gain a whole bunch of weight.

643
00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:54,540
But it's, like, really hard to lose that weight.

644
00:36:54,620 --> 00:36:59,160
So then the second time around, I was just like, let me just, you know, practice intuitive eating.

645
00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:00,880
Like, not go overboard with this.

646
00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:08,460
To clarify, intuitive eating basically just means eating until you're satiated and listening to your body, essentially.

647
00:37:08,460 --> 00:37:09,140
Right, yeah.

648
00:37:09,320 --> 00:37:12,580
And then I also didn't have any acne the second time around.

649
00:37:13,860 --> 00:37:15,920
I did think that it was a girl, though.

650
00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:20,120
Like, I thought it was a girl because I didn't have acne.

651
00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:24,580
Like, a lot of the reactions were, like, the symptoms for my body were very different from my first pregnancy.

652
00:37:24,580 --> 00:37:26,300
So I thought it must be a girl.

653
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:28,280
Also, I just really wanted a girl.

654
00:37:28,560 --> 00:37:34,800
And then even after we got the, like, gender reveal note from the doctor and it said it was a boy,

655
00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:38,140
I still firmly believe that there's a chance that they could be wrong.

656
00:37:38,580 --> 00:37:42,880
And that even until the day that I gave birth, I was just like, it's still possible that it's a girl.

657
00:37:43,840 --> 00:37:44,280
Yeah.

658
00:37:44,460 --> 00:37:48,840
The second time around when the kid came out, he was perfectly healthy.

659
00:37:49,480 --> 00:37:50,440
He didn't cry.

660
00:37:51,200 --> 00:37:51,600
Yeah.

661
00:37:51,700 --> 00:37:54,560
He didn't really cry, which was strange.

662
00:37:54,560 --> 00:38:00,120
But it turns out he's just, like, a very different, very different personality from the first kid.

663
00:38:00,240 --> 00:38:01,480
Cried way less.

664
00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:04,300
Much higher pain tolerance, even to this day.

665
00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:04,740
Yeah.

666
00:38:05,220 --> 00:38:13,240
He, like, when the doctor handed him over, he just, like, lied in my arms and just looked at me with a smile on his face.

667
00:38:13,240 --> 00:38:14,280
Like, peacefully.

668
00:38:14,640 --> 00:38:15,500
Smiled way more.

669
00:38:15,860 --> 00:38:16,700
Smiled way more.

670
00:38:17,100 --> 00:38:23,080
He could already put himself to sleep, like, two weeks after we came back from the hospital.

671
00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:33,040
I feel like, like Annie said, we were just way more relaxed the second time around because we weren't worried about our child randomly passing away from any random thing.

672
00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:34,960
Like, we were Googling so many things.

673
00:38:35,260 --> 00:38:39,720
Anytime even something slightly out of the ordinary with our first kids would be like, oh, my God, is something wrong?

674
00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:40,820
Do we have to take him to the hospital?

675
00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:41,280
Right.

676
00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:42,160
We would, like, freak out.

677
00:38:42,500 --> 00:38:45,640
Annie wanted to get, like, this weird sock thing that monitor is vitals.

678
00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:46,080
Oh, yeah.

679
00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:53,980
It was called the Owlette monitor or something where they send you an alarm if the, like, baby doesn't have a heartbeat anymore or something.

680
00:38:54,240 --> 00:38:54,540
Yeah.

681
00:38:54,700 --> 00:38:56,340
I'm really glad we didn't get that thing.

682
00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:56,740
Yeah.

683
00:38:56,820 --> 00:38:57,840
Because apparently it's a scam.

684
00:38:58,580 --> 00:38:58,740
Yeah.

685
00:38:58,740 --> 00:39:04,060
I don't know if it's a scam or not, but it's, like, they're clearly preying on your fears of, like, oh, your kid's going to die.

686
00:39:04,060 --> 00:39:11,260
You need to buy our thing or, you know, you're not going to have accurate monitoring of his vitals.

687
00:39:11,480 --> 00:39:13,400
But clearly, like, both our kids are happy.

688
00:39:13,540 --> 00:39:13,920
They're healthy.

689
00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:19,100
Oh, also the second time I really knew, I understood how to breastfeed him.

690
00:39:19,300 --> 00:39:19,420
Yeah.

691
00:39:19,420 --> 00:39:22,520
So I kept him on my breast almost the entire time.

692
00:39:22,580 --> 00:39:25,120
Like, every time he cried, I just put him back on my breast.

693
00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:29,240
And I would just, like, sleep or sit there with him, like, all the time.

694
00:39:29,280 --> 00:39:29,980
I didn't mind.

695
00:39:30,140 --> 00:39:32,520
I had a lot more patience for him this time, too.

696
00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:35,400
Like, the first time I was just like, it's been five minutes.

697
00:39:35,520 --> 00:39:36,180
What are you doing?

698
00:39:36,500 --> 00:39:39,440
And then, so he gained so much weight.

699
00:39:39,540 --> 00:39:42,660
So typically, babies will lose weight the first couple days.

700
00:39:42,820 --> 00:39:43,960
He gained weight.

701
00:39:43,960 --> 00:39:46,620
He was very healthy.

702
00:39:47,180 --> 00:39:49,400
And the doctors was all very surprised.

703
00:39:49,720 --> 00:39:50,000
Yeah.

704
00:39:50,100 --> 00:39:52,240
So, like, this time around, we actually had experience.

705
00:39:52,580 --> 00:39:55,860
And our second kid was able to actually eat.

706
00:39:56,260 --> 00:40:00,080
And so he was all, that's another reason why he was probably way happier and, like, crying a lot less.

707
00:40:00,140 --> 00:40:01,060
Yeah, that's true.

708
00:40:01,060 --> 00:40:06,260
A couple days because, like, he was actually being fed compared to the first kid who was literally starving.

709
00:40:06,260 --> 00:40:06,480
Just starving.

710
00:40:07,120 --> 00:40:10,840
Also, so they do come and draw blood from the baby.

711
00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:16,760
So, like, they'll take it from the heel, and they test for, like, jaundice and a few other ones.

712
00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:23,840
So, with our first kid, I remember, like, just being like, oh, Frank, do you feel sad that they're taking his blood?

713
00:40:23,940 --> 00:40:25,420
And he was like, no, it's good for him.

714
00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:31,180
And this time, Frank was just like, how dare they drop blood from my baby?

715
00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:32,320
Yeah.

716
00:40:32,540 --> 00:40:34,520
And, oh, so a really interesting part.

717
00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:43,120
Like, when we had our first kid, what you see in movies and what you kind of hear about in stories is everyone's like, oh, you feel this overflowing amount of love for the kid.

718
00:40:43,540 --> 00:40:45,640
And when we saw the kid, we were just like, huh, this is weird.

719
00:40:46,100 --> 00:40:48,560
Yeah, both of us didn't feel any amount of love.

720
00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:50,740
Like, we're like, he doesn't look anything like us.

721
00:40:50,740 --> 00:40:56,420
Like, and Frank was like, if I didn't see you birth him, like, out, I wouldn't even know that this is my kid.

722
00:40:56,560 --> 00:41:00,180
Yeah, and I think it's like, you have a lot of expectations from the media.

723
00:41:00,340 --> 00:41:04,740
It was like, you see people becoming a new parent, and, like, immediately you love the kid.

724
00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:07,540
But, like, the love kind of grows as you take care of them.

725
00:41:08,100 --> 00:41:15,900
And, like, once the second kid came, it's like we immediately felt a connection to him because we already built a lot of this connection with our first kid.

726
00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:19,900
And we understood kind of, I guess, more of what it was like to be a parent.

727
00:41:20,100 --> 00:41:20,260
Yeah.

728
00:41:20,340 --> 00:41:22,940
He also looked exactly like our first kid.

729
00:41:22,940 --> 00:41:26,780
So then it was, it reminded us of our first kid.

730
00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:30,300
So then we already felt that love towards our first kid.

731
00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:32,160
So then it was like instant connection.

732
00:41:32,600 --> 00:41:32,740
Yeah.

733
00:41:32,820 --> 00:41:34,840
And that's something that people don't really tell you.

734
00:41:34,940 --> 00:41:40,300
But, like, when you first have a kid, it's going to be an extremely disgusting experience.

735
00:41:40,740 --> 00:41:43,500
It's going to be like a little purple alien coming out.

736
00:41:44,240 --> 00:41:46,660
And, yeah, maybe don't film it.

737
00:41:47,040 --> 00:41:47,040
Like.

738
00:41:47,360 --> 00:41:48,260
Yeah, don't film it.

739
00:41:48,360 --> 00:41:48,540
Yeah.

740
00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:51,940
So we did, like, my dad filmed it.

741
00:41:52,020 --> 00:41:57,460
Like, and I just refused to watch the footage because, like, it's probably not pleasant.

742
00:41:57,460 --> 00:42:01,380
Like, I just don't want to see myself in my worst possible state.

743
00:42:01,800 --> 00:42:08,280
The whole process of being a parent, the most enjoyable part, really, is seeing them grow and progress and gain new skills.

744
00:42:08,540 --> 00:42:19,600
So we took an insane amount of video and pictures of our first kid just because, like, people don't tell you how quickly this time passes by.

745
00:42:20,140 --> 00:42:28,320
It seems like they're going to be young kids forever, but you actually don't have that many years before they start talking, before they start running around.

746
00:42:28,520 --> 00:42:30,880
Both of our kids are now walking around.

747
00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:33,480
One of them can pretty much ride a bike now.

748
00:42:33,640 --> 00:42:35,240
And he's starting to say some words.

749
00:42:35,360 --> 00:42:37,300
He, like, pretty much understands all of what we say.

750
00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:46,380
And so it's, like, if there's only one thing you take away from this entire podcast is that you should take more pictures and more videos of your kids.

751
00:42:46,660 --> 00:42:48,560
And try to spend more time with them if you can.

752
00:42:48,960 --> 00:42:49,180
Yeah.

753
00:42:49,240 --> 00:42:53,340
Like, we're already starting to forget a lot of milestones and, like, when exactly something happened.

754
00:42:53,480 --> 00:42:57,360
And if we didn't have those pictures, we wouldn't even remember, like, what they looked like back then.

755
00:42:57,360 --> 00:43:02,340
Yeah, we don't retain a lot of information from, like, them growing up.

756
00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:10,020
And some, like, a lot of the times we would just, like, be in bed, like, before we go to sleep, we would pull out our phone and revisit some of the photos.

757
00:43:10,020 --> 00:43:13,600
And we don't remember most of the videos that we took.

758
00:43:13,760 --> 00:43:15,500
And that's kind of crazy to me.

759
00:43:15,840 --> 00:43:19,780
One thing, which is kind of, like, a hot topic among parents is, like, screen time.

760
00:43:20,120 --> 00:43:22,500
I don't really believe that screen time is that bad for you.

761
00:43:22,500 --> 00:43:27,440
Like, when I grew up, I essentially taught myself English by watching ungodly amounts of TV.

762
00:43:27,600 --> 00:43:28,260
Like, I'm an immigrant.

763
00:43:28,880 --> 00:43:31,120
I immigrated to the U.S. from China when I was four.

764
00:43:31,680 --> 00:43:33,300
And I couldn't speak any English.

765
00:43:33,480 --> 00:43:35,440
And so, like, all I could really do was watch TV.

766
00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:37,100
And, like, I turned out fine.

767
00:43:37,380 --> 00:43:45,280
And I think people, all the people who are so against screen time are probably really old people who don't realize that, like, in the modern world, you can't get away from screens.

768
00:43:45,660 --> 00:43:46,420
Like, what are you going to do?

769
00:43:46,440 --> 00:43:49,960
You're going to keep your child away from TV and computers and cell phones for forever?

770
00:43:50,420 --> 00:43:51,340
Like, it doesn't make any sense.

771
00:43:51,340 --> 00:43:54,460
Either that they're really old or they're young and they don't have kids.

772
00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:56,720
Or they're nowhere close to having kids.

773
00:43:56,900 --> 00:44:01,160
Because there's no parent that will tell you, don't give your kids screen time.

774
00:44:01,340 --> 00:44:05,720
Yeah, like, we try to be a lot more restricting of screen time originally.

775
00:44:06,100 --> 00:44:10,460
So we would try to make sure they would only have, like, maybe one hour max per day.

776
00:44:10,760 --> 00:44:14,680
And then it just kind of loosened up because, like, it actually helps their development a lot.

777
00:44:14,880 --> 00:44:17,360
Like, it teaches them skills that they otherwise would not learn.

778
00:44:17,360 --> 00:44:26,040
So, like, our kid knows how to do, like, a bunch of yoga stretching and, like, karate moves and, like, jumping jacks and all this stuff that, like, they learn from watching TV.

779
00:44:26,460 --> 00:44:26,740
Yeah.

780
00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:29,620
Like, my son was just cleaning up the other day.

781
00:44:29,700 --> 00:44:31,740
Like, he moved a box from here into there.

782
00:44:31,820 --> 00:44:36,000
And then he just walked away being like, like, how did he learn that?

783
00:44:37,580 --> 00:44:40,480
Obviously, it's not good if all they're doing is watching TV.

784
00:44:40,660 --> 00:44:42,660
But, like, we take our kids out twice a day.

785
00:44:42,660 --> 00:44:43,580
Yeah, twice a day.

786
00:44:43,780 --> 00:44:48,760
And they, like, they spend so much time outside that, like, their skin is darker than my skin.

787
00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:50,460
Like, it's like...

788
00:44:50,460 --> 00:44:53,700
Yeah, our older son, they also have different skin tones.

789
00:44:53,820 --> 00:44:56,080
So, like, the younger one's very similar to me.

790
00:44:56,140 --> 00:44:57,200
Like, he's very pale.

791
00:44:57,400 --> 00:45:01,660
And then our older son's, like, just naturally he gets tanned a lot.

792
00:45:02,060 --> 00:45:03,200
Well, it's more similar to me.

793
00:45:03,380 --> 00:45:07,400
If I spend a ton of time outdoors, like, I get really tan as well.

794
00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:09,340
And so, it's probably...

795
00:45:09,340 --> 00:45:09,700
But, like...

796
00:45:09,700 --> 00:45:09,940
Yeah.

797
00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:15,000
So, like, as soon as the weather became warm, like, he is, like, three shades darker already.

798
00:45:15,340 --> 00:45:15,600
Yeah.

799
00:45:16,220 --> 00:45:21,820
But I think it's, like, a lot of people think that, like, oh, my God, screen time is absolutely terrible for you or whatever.

800
00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:23,140
I don't think that's true.

801
00:45:23,140 --> 00:45:23,480
Yeah.

802
00:45:23,680 --> 00:45:25,720
I mean, I think there's pros and cons.

803
00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:27,080
And people think that there's just...

804
00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:27,180
Only cons.

805
00:45:27,180 --> 00:45:28,500
They only think about cons.

806
00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:33,060
But I think right now for us, the pros are outweighing the cons.

807
00:45:33,420 --> 00:45:33,560
Yeah.

808
00:45:33,640 --> 00:45:36,060
It's, like, a lot of the time, you really don't have a choice.

809
00:45:36,160 --> 00:45:43,440
Because, like, if, say, for example, Annie or I are looking after both kids at the same time and we need to use the bathroom or something, it's, like, oh, I can take one kid.

810
00:45:43,540 --> 00:45:49,500
But if our older kid can just sit there watching TV for a little bit or, like, we need to prepare food or we need to do laundry.

811
00:45:49,700 --> 00:45:55,160
Like, there's so many things that you have to, like, try to keep them safe at the same time.

812
00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:59,020
Like, you also have to be realistic with what you can actually achieve on your own.

813
00:45:59,260 --> 00:46:04,760
And I think they're actually more attached to the music in the TV show than the screen.

814
00:46:04,760 --> 00:46:12,660
Because they are completely fine if I just turn on YouTube on my phone, turn off the screen, and just have the music going.

815
00:46:12,840 --> 00:46:15,220
Or they're okay with us turning on the TV.

816
00:46:15,480 --> 00:46:21,400
And, like, he'll just hop off the sofa and start, like, doing other stuff while the TV is in the background.

817
00:46:21,540 --> 00:46:23,260
So, like, they're not glued to the TV.

818
00:46:23,540 --> 00:46:30,660
Yeah, and so if you want to entertain your kids, you don't want to give them TV, just playing music is a great way.

819
00:46:30,780 --> 00:46:37,940
Like, even if they're in the back of the car and they're, like, fussing, if we just turn on kids' music, like, most of the time they'll calm down.

820
00:46:38,380 --> 00:46:40,360
I think a lot of times they're just bored, honestly.

821
00:46:40,640 --> 00:46:42,600
Like, they want to be entertained.

822
00:46:44,660 --> 00:46:49,640
But, yeah, I mean, in general, it's, like, parenthood, we're obviously still going through the journey.

823
00:46:49,760 --> 00:46:50,800
Our kids are very young.

824
00:46:51,320 --> 00:46:53,240
Everyone says these are the best years.

825
00:46:53,720 --> 00:46:56,200
Not just of the kids, but, like, of their entire lives.

826
00:46:56,320 --> 00:47:00,400
When older people are interviewed and they're asked, when were you the happiest?

827
00:47:00,900 --> 00:47:06,160
Most of them will respond, oh, it's when my kids were really young and I was taking care of them.

828
00:47:06,380 --> 00:47:10,720
Like, looking back, there are tons of happy moments.

829
00:47:10,880 --> 00:47:15,300
Like, there are lots of moments when you're obviously really tired, you're stressed, you're overwhelmed.

830
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:21,020
We're obviously in a very fortunate position to be able to look after our kids and stay home with them.

831
00:47:21,680 --> 00:47:27,180
And, like, I've actually been a lot more happy than, I mean, in general, I'm not a super happy person.

832
00:47:27,300 --> 00:47:29,900
Like, my baseline is probably a bit lower than most normal people.

833
00:47:30,440 --> 00:47:39,240
But in terms of, like, my general happy moments, I haven't experienced as many happy moments as I have now since, like, childhood, really.

834
00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:50,300
I also read about how, like, the millennial generation spends, fathers particularly, spend way more time with their kids than any other generation previously.

835
00:47:50,940 --> 00:47:55,600
And so not only are kids seeing more of their parents, but they're seeing more of their parents from both genders.

836
00:47:56,300 --> 00:48:03,060
I think it's nowadays, I think before it was mostly the woman who was looking after the kids.

837
00:48:03,180 --> 00:48:06,340
So it's, like, the guy who would be working, who would focus on his career, focus on making money.

838
00:48:06,560 --> 00:48:12,300
And then the woman would kind of, like, become the caretaker, become the mom, essentially, of these kids and do everything.

839
00:48:12,460 --> 00:48:19,840
But now it's, like, much more accepted for guys to change diapers, guys to feed the kids, guys to, like, babysit the kids.

840
00:48:19,860 --> 00:48:23,020
It's no longer purely just, like, oh, you know, it's mom's job.

841
00:48:23,140 --> 00:48:24,740
It's now it's, like, oh, it's both parents.

842
00:48:24,820 --> 00:48:26,140
Like, we can both do all these things.

843
00:48:27,100 --> 00:48:29,600
And it's, like, I guess not really surprising to me.

844
00:48:29,680 --> 00:48:36,980
Like, once you've been through it, before I had a kid, I thought, like, oh, it'll be so easy, right, for Annie to, like, be a stay-at-home mom.

845
00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:39,960
I'll just, like, continue working, making a bunch of money at whatever tech job.

846
00:48:40,280 --> 00:48:42,700
And, like, you know, Annie can take care of everything at home.

847
00:48:43,080 --> 00:48:48,420
And, like, some people at work, I got a glimpse of, like, people were saying, like, oh, no, like, I work full-time.

848
00:48:48,500 --> 00:48:50,580
My wife is, like, full-time stay-at-home mom.

849
00:48:50,920 --> 00:48:52,380
And, like, I still need to help her out.

850
00:48:52,460 --> 00:48:54,980
Like, we still send them to stay care sometimes just, like, give her a break.

851
00:48:55,120 --> 00:48:56,580
And I was, like, huh, how does that make sense?

852
00:48:56,620 --> 00:48:57,500
Like, is it that hard?

853
00:48:57,840 --> 00:48:58,960
And, like, yes, it is that hard.

854
00:48:59,100 --> 00:49:04,220
Like, you can't really know how tiring it is to raise kids until you do it.

855
00:49:04,460 --> 00:49:08,040
Like, everything that we describe here is not going to do it justice.

856
00:49:08,300 --> 00:49:15,960
Like, you're not going to get the full experience of all the sleep deprivation, all the stress, all the worrying for your own kids until you have them.

857
00:49:17,020 --> 00:49:18,640
Yeah, I think that's a really good point.

858
00:49:18,920 --> 00:49:24,780
I would say that when we had our first kid, I definitely had moments.

859
00:49:24,940 --> 00:49:29,220
Like, the first three months, I regretted having the kids so early.

860
00:49:29,220 --> 00:49:29,380
Oh, really?

861
00:49:29,740 --> 00:49:30,180
Yeah.

862
00:49:30,680 --> 00:49:35,180
Like, when people say, like, I can't imagine, like, my life without this kid.

863
00:49:35,240 --> 00:49:36,220
I'm like, I can't.

864
00:49:36,320 --> 00:49:38,520
I can't imagine my life without this kid.

865
00:49:39,140 --> 00:49:42,100
But then I, like, kind of got past that point.

866
00:49:42,220 --> 00:49:47,600
And, like, I don't think I regret having our kids at the age that we did.

867
00:49:47,600 --> 00:49:52,420
But I wish that we had actually taken a year to travel the world.

868
00:49:52,860 --> 00:49:53,060
Yeah.

869
00:49:53,200 --> 00:49:55,860
I mean, the timing didn't really work out with, like, COVID and everything.

870
00:49:56,360 --> 00:50:00,920
And actually, having both of our kids earlier, I always thought was a better idea.

871
00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:04,860
Just because, like, the older you get, the more potential there is for health complications.

872
00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:07,760
And I don't know.

873
00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:12,640
I guess, like, I want to be young and have energy to actually hang out with my kids.

874
00:50:12,700 --> 00:50:14,200
I don't want to be, like, a super old dude.

875
00:50:14,760 --> 00:50:19,220
And by the time I'm, like, 60 or something, my kids are now just going off to college.

876
00:50:19,440 --> 00:50:22,320
But in terms of, like, if we're ever going to have another kid.

877
00:50:23,280 --> 00:50:24,560
Annie wants another kid.

878
00:50:24,620 --> 00:50:25,440
She really wants a girl.

879
00:50:26,100 --> 00:50:31,180
I am against it for the fact that, first of all, we've already replaced ourselves.

880
00:50:31,360 --> 00:50:32,140
We've had two people.

881
00:50:32,400 --> 00:50:33,800
So two and two cancels out.

882
00:50:34,300 --> 00:50:37,920
But also, it's like, I think she's kind of forgotten how tough it was.

883
00:50:38,100 --> 00:50:42,040
I actually wanted Annie to go through a surrogacy, even for the second one.

884
00:50:42,460 --> 00:50:44,940
Because I just felt like pregnancy was really hard on her body.

885
00:50:45,160 --> 00:50:46,940
And, like, we had the option to do so.

886
00:50:47,240 --> 00:50:50,300
But she really wants to have, like, a natural pregnancy.

887
00:50:51,700 --> 00:50:55,260
I think, I guess my main concern is, like, about her health.

888
00:50:55,900 --> 00:50:59,020
And then also, it's like, finances is also a question.

889
00:50:59,140 --> 00:51:01,680
Like, right now, we're doing pretty well with our two kids.

890
00:51:02,020 --> 00:51:06,080
But, like, adding another kid, then it's like, okay, maybe then I would have to start thinking about, like,

891
00:51:06,080 --> 00:51:08,680
how do I make some more money and go back to work.

892
00:51:09,540 --> 00:51:09,700
Yeah.

893
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:12,500
But, yeah, basically, we're going to put it on pause.

894
00:51:12,700 --> 00:51:18,040
Like, it would be nice to have one, like, for me later on.

895
00:51:18,120 --> 00:51:21,760
But, like, at this current situation, I guess we're not going to have any.

896
00:51:22,120 --> 00:51:25,520
I think even if we were to have a third one, we would still wait a couple years.

897
00:51:25,620 --> 00:51:26,000
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

898
00:51:26,020 --> 00:51:26,880
Parting thoughts, I guess.

899
00:51:27,260 --> 00:51:27,900
Parting thoughts.

900
00:51:28,340 --> 00:51:34,780
I will also say that people think that, like, once the babies are the cutest in their infant stages,

901
00:51:34,780 --> 00:51:40,660
or when they're a baby, but I've actually enjoyed hanging out with them as they got older,

902
00:51:40,720 --> 00:51:43,680
as they acquire more skills, and they just get cuter and cuter.

903
00:51:43,780 --> 00:51:46,520
And, like, you just love them more and more every day.

904
00:51:46,580 --> 00:51:49,980
Like, I didn't think it was possible to love them more every day.

905
00:51:50,020 --> 00:51:50,620
I love them more.

906
00:51:51,020 --> 00:51:52,600
And you're able to communicate with them.

907
00:51:52,680 --> 00:51:56,520
So, like, before, you'd have to guess a lot of the times at what's making them upset.

908
00:51:56,520 --> 00:51:57,880
But now it's like they'll tell you.

909
00:51:58,240 --> 00:51:59,260
They'll be able to gesture.

910
00:51:59,400 --> 00:52:00,200
They'll be able to say it.

911
00:52:00,560 --> 00:52:02,200
And that's definitely another level.

912
00:52:02,620 --> 00:52:07,000
A lot of parents have said that it's because they're not teenagers yet.

913
00:52:07,080 --> 00:52:10,100
Like, once they reach that stage, they're going to be really hard to deal with.

914
00:52:10,800 --> 00:52:13,920
So, I mean, I guess we'll deal with it.

915
00:52:13,940 --> 00:52:14,080
Find out.

916
00:52:14,280 --> 00:52:14,380
Yeah.

917
00:52:14,440 --> 00:52:15,200
We'll find out.

918
00:52:16,220 --> 00:52:16,800
But, yeah.

919
00:52:17,320 --> 00:52:17,780
All right.

920
00:52:18,080 --> 00:52:22,080
Thanks, everyone, for listening to Episode 6 of the Frankly Speaking Podcast.

921
00:52:22,640 --> 00:52:23,200
We'll see you soon.

922
00:52:23,740 --> 00:52:23,880
Bye.

923
00:52:23,880 --> 00:52:23,940
Bye.

924
00:52:24,360 --> 00:52:24,800
Bye.